Dominican Republic....No Problem....

So I just got back from an EXCELLENT trip to Dominican Republic last week. Can I even tell you....AMAZING. I don't know how many times on the trip I said things like, "I love the Dominican's...they are so cool here."

The trip started off a little rocky with our overnight stay in the Philadelphia airport. It was horrible. There were a few highlights though. Like when they kept paging "Brian McKnight to Baggage Carousel 5" which would result in Lisa and I singing out, "One....your like a dream come true....Two....just wanna be with you...." And while trying to sleep the creepy janitor lady kept vacuuming under our seats and yelling to her boss "I don't give a shit..." Then on our flight from Miami we met quite the character who was going to Dominican by herself for an emergency vacation because she broke up with her boyfriend. She wanted to chat the ENTIRE flight which was fine except she was being loose gums about everything except why her and her live in boyfriend of 3 years had broken up. The one thing a nosy person like myself actually wanted to hear about....

But, once we got there....hello heaven. Right on the beach, hot weather, bright sun, blue skies, and tons of sexual harassment by the workers that took some getting used to. I assumed that all the workers would speak English, boy am I an ass. I also assumed that there were going to be a lot of Americans....boy am I an ass. Tons of Europeans and Dominican's that speak zero English. At one point I had a conversation with a Dutchman in "Spanish"....yeah. There were several moments of "Lost in Translation" like when Lisa was trying to tell a little kids parents that their son was handsome, but accidentally called him fat.

But we had plenty of time for tons of R & R. Actually, we wound up never even doing our hair or makeup the entire trip. Which made us look like the following: First, we have a mix of Uncle Jessie and an American Fork Mom. I know, "Have Mercy" and here's Lisa as a mix of a seventh grader and a lead in a Jane Austen Film.

One day we did venture away from the resort to go to "Ocean World" where we had a day full of laughs. Once again, they were so cool there. Wanna get in the cages with the animals? No problem (yeah, in case you were wondering, I still don't like animals).

While we were there we also went to this Shark Show where we about laughed our heads off. Once again, a lot of "Lost in Translation" moments, but here's them chasing Lisa down because she yelled out "yes" when they asked if anyone wanted to see the shark's "money maker"

There really are just so many funny stories, but I will just give highlights:

-We almost starved to death because we hated the food. I'm sorry I can't handle eating "Cow Paw Stew" or eating off an entire pig that's on the chopping block with it's eyes still in tact.

-Us laying side by side on the lounges and a worker coming and laying in between us calling it a Dominican Sandwich.

-Lots of European Banana Hammocks....and watching a Dominican worker slap a guy on the butt in a speedo. Then, watching the Dominican worker chase the Europeans friend around the lounges trying to hit him in the crotch with a flip flop for laughing...

-Seriously, anytime we needed anything on the resort they would say, "Dominican Republic, no problem"

-Sitting on our balcony daily and watching American's do the strangest things.....like attempting yoga.

-The housekeeper walking all the way into our room daily without knocking at 8 am.

-The Dominican's tickling my feet, armpits and knocking me on the head while we were laying at the pool.

-The Dominican male workers explaining to me that if I wanted to stay, then he would take care of me. He also was able to explain to me that you don't need to be married to have 2 kids...

-Lisa and I getting rat tail braid in our hair.

-Forgetting that European women don't like to wear swim tops...

-2 American girls, getting a Chinese lettering henna tattoo, from a Dominican man. (the tat says Bad Girl in Chinese...hilarious)

-On the layover in Miami at 3 am I was able to spend 45 minutes talking to the TSA Agent about drug trafficking. Not to get too graphic (even though he spared NO details) girl's get too nervous while carrying drugs up their butt that they usually wind up pooing it out....so they have to stick it somewhere else. I will leave it at that...

-The same TSA agent asking me if it's true that Mormon's really bite people at night....I think he is confusing us for vampires.

But seriously, we had the most amazing trip! I miss it already....and don't worry. We'll be back!