Monday, April 28, 2008

Things That Must Go....

I went to dinner with a group of friends over the weekend and we started talking about a variety of thing that just "urk" us. So here you have it, my very own list of things that must go...

A-Wedding Announcements: (I would like to dedicate this to Nat, you are my right hand girl on this one!)
1- Please only put one picture, I know it's hard to find only one picture when you are the most adorable couple ever....but come on. One is sufficient, this is not a photo album.
2-Gift Registration. To be honest I am really not into the gift registration, I know it has become the social norm but I will not conform to this. But if you MUST register somewhere do no, I repeat DO NOT register at banks. I think that is SO tacky! If you have done that, please don't do it again.
3-Posing. I know people are trying to get creative here...but let's not get carried away. Like I don't love the idea of the couple peering behind a tree ect. I get it, we want to see your personality but like I said let's not get carried away.
4-Clothing. I am not saying to you need to be matchy matchy, or have a picture that looks like it belongs in the yellow pages under the lawyers (Smith and Associates) but would it be too much to ask to remove your leatherman off your belt loop for 2 seconds while we snap a couple photo's for your wedding announcement?

B- Gym Etiquette (I would like to dedicate this portion to the meat heads at Sports Academy and Racquetball Club. I love you guys)
1-There really is no need to bring an entire gallon of water to the gym. This kills me every time, I have never in my life seen anyone drink the whole thing. I would say on average they drink about a third. Let me give you a piece of advise, bring a 20 oz water bottle. That's what I do, if I am still thirsty during the workout I simply walk my spandexed booty over to the water fountain and fill it up. Problem solved.
2-If you are physically shaking, veins bulging out of your head, and you feel the need to grunt do us all a favor. Lighten the weight by 10 lbs. That ought to do the trick. Sometimes I feel like the grunting is a little sexual and I really don't appreciate that. It makes me feel uncomfortable, therefore it makes me want to leave early. So please, on behalf of this muffin top I am desperately trying to get rid of PLEASE don't make us leave early!
3- I really resent the fact that gym personal have to spell out common courtesies. I assumed (yes Dad I know what happens when you assume) it was a well known, obvious fact that sexual relations shouldn't be taking place in the steam room. If everyone knows this why do they have to post signs reminding everyone of this? Who missed the memo of appropriateness here?

C- Car Wash Courtesies
1- If there is a line of cars behind you, PLEASE don't put in 25 quarters and scrub every inch of your car. I appreciate a clean car...a car that can be cleaned with 4 quarters
2- Appropriate dress. Sure, in the summer after a nice day at the pool of course I will go wash my car in my swimsuit on my way home. But, is it really necessary this early in the spring to wash your car in bikini and tube top. Especially when it was honestly only 50 degrees out?
3- When vacuuming out the car, I love listening to music. Who doesn't. But I think it's important to remember that not everyone loves the same kind of music. So my dear friend who I shared the vacuum with on Saturday, I realize you probably just got out of a bad relationship but listening to "Bleeding Love" 25 times isn't going to make your boyfriend come back to you. That I can guarantee (Melanie, I realize this would have been an ideal situation for you!)

D- The World's Obsession with Suri Cruise
1-Don't get me wrong, I love our little Suri. She is absolutely darling, I am sure she is going to turn into a hot mess (thanks Tom) but she sure is a cute little squirt. But I was getting quite annoyed with magazines and news reports with their obsession with her 2nd birthday. It was my 25th birthday this year and I feel like I have accomplished more than her. Just because my dad isn't jumping up and down acting like a crazy man on Oprah's couch that doesn't mean I don't want a little attention too.
2-I resent the fact that she is dolled up to the max in such designers as Versace, Valentino, and Armani at age 2. Honestly, I am 25 years old, a college graduate, and a full time career woman and I am still cruising (no pun intended) the sale racks at the GAP and Banana Republic. In what world is this fair? What gives?
3- And last but not least I am sick to death of them talking about her favorite restaurants. Hello, she is 2. At that age shouldn't she be loving french fries, pizza, and chicken nuggets? In my opinion the only Lambchop she should know is the one that sing "This is the song that never ends."

Oh man, it feels so good to unload about this. I don't know about you but I feel a huge weight lifted. If you have done any of the things on the list, please don't be offended...just consider it a friendly reminder of appropriateness. So for the time being, this is my list of things that must go.

27 comments:

Kasi French said...

Gildea - I am so sad that I was dopped up on meds! I should have come anyway, it sounds as if the conversation would have proven to be quite entertaining! I 100% AGREE WITH THE WEDDING INVITATIONS!

AnneMarie said...

I so agree with you!

Gaengy said...

Katie you are too funny! Thanks for the laughs and I guess you pretty much said what we all think!!

Whitney said...

man oh man, i am so glad i passed the wedding invitations! i remember literally sweating when i was post marking yours, keeping my fingers crossed that you would like mine! and then when i got a call from you about how much you liked them, i knew i had passed one of the toughest tests on this planet! i love you. i love all your things that must go!

Shauna said...

ok first of all, the wedding invitations...amen amen amen. Mostly amen to the MULTIPLE pictures. We only want the picture to see who you are marrying, we dont want to see what you look like when youre kissing, playing piggyback, wading through a stream, holding hands walking down the railroad tracks etc...OUTGRAGEOUS. Also can we get rid of the "we are registered at WAL-Mart!" cards? I mean, really? If i am going to get you a gift, and want to get something from your registry, i will ask you where you are registered or just take a leap of faith and guess youre registered at Target. You dont need to advertize!

Second item of business, Suri Cruise loves NY in the spring, dont you even try to tell me she is not allowed to have opinions katie!

Gaengy said...

poppop here, It is good that you got all that off of your chest. The Suri thing is kind of wierd. But it did look like Tom was "not able to have children" if you know what I mean. So this did give all the people readers something to cheer about.
You are a career woman, or business woman if you prefer. You get "Business womans" lunch specials, Suri gets to be in People and Us weekly. If you really think about it the lunch specials have more value. Would you really want to impress people who take those magazines seriously?
THere, one of your pet peeves resolved. we will work on the others later. Dad

Kristine L. said...

Haha. Very true. I think I passed the wedding invitations test. But come on Katie, let's get real... the list of no-no's is much longer than that.

And I don't really even think that Suri is that cute. I think it is because she looks like her dad... and that is never a good thing. If I had to choose a superstar under the age of 3, I would go for Shiloh Jolie-Pitt... she is MUCH better looking ;)

And one item on my list of things that must go... those stupid word verifications when posting a comment... GET RID OF IT!

Kendall Watkins said...

My pet peeve is when people list where they are registered on their wedding invitations. I think it is TACKY!! If you look at etiquette books, a big NO NO is listing where you are registered. When you put it on your invitation, it is screaming, get what I want at these places instead of the frumpy gift you were considering... ok, not necessarily, but sort of!

Muncher Cruncher said...

ha ha ha ha..katie. I love you.

Chelsi Lasater said...

I liked my wedding invitation pose! Is that why you didn't attend my wedding?

Benita said...

i just love this post. i couldn't stop laughing. you are so funny...and so right...

Englishfam said...

Katie seriously I read this post, went to my mailbox, and had received a wedding announcement that day. Guess what I found? Multiple pictures, the main one being of them kissing in a movie theatre, another one of their shoes together. Really? A movie theatre? Your shoes? His were atleast fun red and white and hers were just some lame tan loafers. I don't get it. Needless to say, I was laughing so hard since just reading your post! People are funny. Thank you for your list that must go, please do more in the future!

Natalie Que said...

Katie, despite this being hilarious, I am afraid you really missed the mark....


TIPPING! Tip Jars must go people! Stop your evil tip mongering you mongruels!

Dad you are hilarious, I love your comment.

Anyway, loved it Kate, and thanks for the dedication, it means a lot. We've made fun of a lot of invitations over the years, haven't we champ. It never gets old...

Nicole said...

Agreed! Very, very funny. People actually register at banks? I have never seen this, must be a Utah thing and that is WAY tacky. And I don't want to hear you complaining about your wardrobe. I think you do just fine. I mean you are no Suri Cruise, but for a regular gal you have quite an extensive wardrobe.

Dad, you are hilarious. I love that he called you a career woman or a business women if you prefer.

And I completely agree to tip jars thing. You do not deserve a dollar from me for pushing the hamburger button. A monkey could do that.

Unknown said...

i was going to read all the comments to make sure i didn't repeat anything, but there were to many. i just want to say i think you are the funniest person on the planet and you should quit your day job and go and work for People or some fun magazine like that. just so you know i sat here forever trying to come up with the name of a hip magazine. but anyway, i miss you!! and i think you are MUCH more adorable than the cruise chic.

Mel said...

Katie I was seriously peeing my pants reading this post. Too much to comment on but love the bleeding love comment. Suri needs to take a hike! I am so sick of seeing her face and parents on things. Poor girl. I hate the registries too. I atleast was married too long ago to be in that ERA! I am doubting my wedding announcement now:) Plaid shirts not matchy matchy but same theme. GAG! Anyways you are so funny I love your posts! Hate the tip jars too. Saw one at the Little Caesars drive in a couple days ago and was telling Carl, what the?

Julie Knowlton said...

This post was glorious.

Ashleigh said...

Agreed . . . except for wedding registry (though OBVIOUSLY not banks). I will now defend my stance . . . I hate the guess work of what people NEED or WANT for their weddings. I know you can return it, but what a pain in the ass (I'm using the word because it needs to be emphasized). I've been there, it was horrible! I have kids. I want to walk into a store, get a list, walk to the exact isle, get requested item and GET OUT. I know it takes the personal side out of the gift so I don't always rely on a registry. What really just pisses me off and I'll say it . . . DO NOT REGISTER FOR MEASURING CUPS, A WIRE WHISK, A 3-PACK OF WOODEN SPOONS, ETC> (especially when each one costs $9). I'm not getting you a set of measuring spoons and a slotted spoon which hits my $20 max for a wedding gift and I'm not going to waste the time wrapping such items. I'm also with the comment on advertising the locations your registered at. I'll take a stab at it and guess Target or Bed, Bath & Beyond. Otherwise, hopefully I'll figure something out.

Anyway, thanks for this. We read it as a family . . . my mom, my dad, Jeff and me.

The Wells Family said...

Here are my questions/comments in regard to your ideas (which i TOTALLY agree with!).
(A)I can't stand when they put pics up of them gazing into each others eyes...sick! And, what do we actually do with the invitations we get? I always feel guilty throwing away a picture that probably costed them $10 to print. Stupid.

(B)Ahh..the gym. I have no comment because I don't participate. :) Lactating for a whole year and being a human cow pretty much was the best workout my body has ever seen.

(C)Suri. Honestly, not that cute. My child would WAY win a baby contest over her. Ha Ha! I am a little prejudice.

(D)The next time you see Dr. Edwards, send my regards. He doesn't know me as a married person, though. And also send the love to Ms. Pat Felt (the head receptionist). The list could go on....

The Funderburks said...

I am so with you on the 1 PHOTO IS ENOUGH FOR YOUR WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT!!

Nick said...

Excuse me, there's an issue in the steam room.

Chelsey said...

Here here. I'd like to throw Paula Abdul in that list as well. There needs to be a book of these called "Avoid Retarded Tingles." We've named the actions, sayings, etc that people do that make everyone uncomfortable.

Dani said...

Amen to the wedding announcment rant. AMEN! :)

John + Bethany said...

Love it. I will miss you Kate so I'm glad you are blogging so we can keep in touch..although I never got to see this really funny side of you at work cause I was in the front and you were way in the back. :-)

The Webber's said...

Thank you for sharing!!! Darren and I are both sitting her crying at the computer after reading your thoughts - You are SOO funny and I can totally relate! I am glad that my wedding invitation met your approval!!! You need to add to the list people who request money instead of gifts - TACKY!!! I can't wait to get together when we get up there so you can make me laugh in person - Ha ha!

Clegg Family said...

My family and I have collected a "Wall of Fame" for the worst wedding announcements ever...do you want in? Let me reflect on some that we have received...the girl giving the boy a piggyback...another picture of them both in USU beanies...one on horseback, riding into the sunset...and, my personal favorite, the couple decked out in Harley Davidson gear, leaning against their motorcycle. Gross.

Laura said...

Wow, do people register at banks-- that's insane.