Things That Must Go....

I went to dinner with a group of friends over the weekend and we started talking about a variety of thing that just "urk" us. So here you have it, my very own list of things that must go...

A-Wedding Announcements: (I would like to dedicate this to Nat, you are my right hand girl on this one!)
1- Please only put one picture, I know it's hard to find only one picture when you are the most adorable couple ever....but come on. One is sufficient, this is not a photo album.
2-Gift Registration. To be honest I am really not into the gift registration, I know it has become the social norm but I will not conform to this. But if you MUST register somewhere do no, I repeat DO NOT register at banks. I think that is SO tacky! If you have done that, please don't do it again.
3-Posing. I know people are trying to get creative here...but let's not get carried away. Like I don't love the idea of the couple peering behind a tree ect. I get it, we want to see your personality but like I said let's not get carried away.
4-Clothing. I am not saying to you need to be matchy matchy, or have a picture that looks like it belongs in the yellow pages under the lawyers (Smith and Associates) but would it be too much to ask to remove your leatherman off your belt loop for 2 seconds while we snap a couple photo's for your wedding announcement?

B- Gym Etiquette (I would like to dedicate this portion to the meat heads at Sports Academy and Racquetball Club. I love you guys)
1-There really is no need to bring an entire gallon of water to the gym. This kills me every time, I have never in my life seen anyone drink the whole thing. I would say on average they drink about a third. Let me give you a piece of advise, bring a 20 oz water bottle. That's what I do, if I am still thirsty during the workout I simply walk my spandexed booty over to the water fountain and fill it up. Problem solved.
2-If you are physically shaking, veins bulging out of your head, and you feel the need to grunt do us all a favor. Lighten the weight by 10 lbs. That ought to do the trick. Sometimes I feel like the grunting is a little sexual and I really don't appreciate that. It makes me feel uncomfortable, therefore it makes me want to leave early. So please, on behalf of this muffin top I am desperately trying to get rid of PLEASE don't make us leave early!
3- I really resent the fact that gym personal have to spell out common courtesies. I assumed (yes Dad I know what happens when you assume) it was a well known, obvious fact that sexual relations shouldn't be taking place in the steam room. If everyone knows this why do they have to post signs reminding everyone of this? Who missed the memo of appropriateness here?

C- Car Wash Courtesies
1- If there is a line of cars behind you, PLEASE don't put in 25 quarters and scrub every inch of your car. I appreciate a clean car...a car that can be cleaned with 4 quarters
2- Appropriate dress. Sure, in the summer after a nice day at the pool of course I will go wash my car in my swimsuit on my way home. But, is it really necessary this early in the spring to wash your car in bikini and tube top. Especially when it was honestly only 50 degrees out?
3- When vacuuming out the car, I love listening to music. Who doesn't. But I think it's important to remember that not everyone loves the same kind of music. So my dear friend who I shared the vacuum with on Saturday, I realize you probably just got out of a bad relationship but listening to "Bleeding Love" 25 times isn't going to make your boyfriend come back to you. That I can guarantee (Melanie, I realize this would have been an ideal situation for you!)

D- The World's Obsession with Suri Cruise
1-Don't get me wrong, I love our little Suri. She is absolutely darling, I am sure she is going to turn into a hot mess (thanks Tom) but she sure is a cute little squirt. But I was getting quite annoyed with magazines and news reports with their obsession with her 2nd birthday. It was my 25th birthday this year and I feel like I have accomplished more than her. Just because my dad isn't jumping up and down acting like a crazy man on Oprah's couch that doesn't mean I don't want a little attention too.
2-I resent the fact that she is dolled up to the max in such designers as Versace, Valentino, and Armani at age 2. Honestly, I am 25 years old, a college graduate, and a full time career woman and I am still cruising (no pun intended) the sale racks at the GAP and Banana Republic. In what world is this fair? What gives?
3- And last but not least I am sick to death of them talking about her favorite restaurants. Hello, she is 2. At that age shouldn't she be loving french fries, pizza, and chicken nuggets? In my opinion the only Lambchop she should know is the one that sing "This is the song that never ends."

Oh man, it feels so good to unload about this. I don't know about you but I feel a huge weight lifted. If you have done any of the things on the list, please don't be offended...just consider it a friendly reminder of appropriateness. So for the time being, this is my list of things that must go.