It's still in....

After several discussions the verdict is in....apparently blogging is still in. Anyways, I have a couple stories to share:

A couple weeks ago I was able to head back up to Logan for a wedding of my cute little friend Enz. True to "Mormon Wedding Code", she over invited so there wasn't enough chairs to sit in. So, my friends Stacie, Erin and I went ahead and shared the 2 chairs left. Naturally, we were sitting really close and I had my arms around them to keep us from falling on the floor. After the wedding, a stranger (seriously never met this man before) comes up to me and says, "The way you were holding on to those girls in there I could really tell that you really really want to get married. Don't worry.....it's going to happen for you someday." Um....thanks. There's nothing like getting pitty looks and pep talks from complete strangers to lift my poor, sad, depressing, pathetic single spirit. I don't tell you this story to get sympathy, mostly to remind myself when I am older not to do this to us single folks. But the silver lining....this man DID have a single son at the wedding. He pointed him out to me, sadly I had to run and "find my purse" and "I got lost" and had to use "a different exit". I'm sure he and I would have been really happy together. Damn.

In other news, I made my annual trip to Raging Water's this past weekend. It was everything I could have wanted out of my Saturday afternoon in West Valley. A couple highlights from the trip:

*Our cute special needs friend Marcos came along with us, priceless! We did accidentally have him go last on the water slide....which we had to coax him down for about 5 minutes. Sadly, it was Marco's first and only trip down the slides. Sorry we ruined it for ya bud.

*Ashley and I got in a fight with a group of about 20 teenage Polynesian boys in the wave pool. We talked a good talk, but let's just say we couldn't walk the walk. They won this round, but only because in the middle of the wave pool they came up from behind us and tipped the tube which resulted in me nearly drowning and me kicking Ashley in the jaw. We made a hasty exit.

*My debit card was stolen and used. Seriously....am I not one with the universe? I'm the only one that got stolen from....shocking. But, it was nice to fill out my 3rd police report of the year. I swear I am totally going for the Gold Medal, watch out Michael Phelps.

*Don't worry, I was ablt to escape without a mamogram or losing my bottoms. All in all....perfect.

And lastly....this week for my ward we did a little service project where we shuttled refugee's to their new charter school. What an experience, I seriously fell in love with these kids. I love refugee's. Honestly, they don't know me, and they just hand me 3 kids under 10 and just tell me to bring them back. We had quite the time. I rolled down all the windows, rolled down the sunroof and off we went with the music blasting into the sunset. They spoke very little English, but with rap music it's more about the beat...right? I taught them some American Dance moves and all they kept doing is laughing and telling me I was crazy. We took them and showed them where their classes were, oddly the teachers kept thinking since I brought them that I was the interpreter....sorry lady I speak ZERO Nepalese. But, we did the best we could with drawings, pointing, shaking heads and lots of smiles and thumbs up. Don't worry, I took them home at the end of the night....even though I kind of wanted to keep them....

Bionic Booty

So last night I got home from Bear Lake to find the "Buns of Steel" circa 1980's VHS sitting in my room.....um Lisa....what's this. She explained that she had borrowed it from her sister in hopes of getting a better butt. If you can't beat em....join em. So if you needed me last night around 10:30 at night, sorry I was busy. Busy as Lisa and I were turning our Buns to Steel. It's a little crammed with the 2 of us in my room so we had to take turns moving from the bed to the floor. It was a sight to be seen. Laugh as you must right now, but when I have a Bionic Booty next year....who's gonna be the one laughing?

In case you have never seen the video.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ou6_HKVZ_Y&feature=related#watch-main-area (and yes, please imagine those people to be Lisa and I)

July....it came and went

Is blogging still in? I have no idea, I feel a little out of touch with the whole things these days....but I did want to remember a couple things from July, so here goes:

George Straight:
My sweet friend Christin invited me to go to the George Straight concert with her out at USANA. Now, just as a reminder I am in no way a country music fan, but let's be honest is there anything better than an outdoor concert in the summer? I think not. Plus, let's be honest is there anything better than people watching, and let me tell you, it was at an all time prime. I am still always amazing that I co-exist with these people 365 days of the year. There were too many highlights to document....like when I watched K Bull throw stuff into the crowd and watched it nail this girl in the eyeball and watched as she struggled to hold back tears, classic. This actually happened to Angela Roberts in HS, except it was a tape from U92 and it happened at Wam Bam Summer Jam...but you get the idea. Anyways, the complete highlight was getting to watch some police action right on my row. As the concert started, knowing good concert etiquette, I took my seat. This group of 4 on my row obviously didn't get the memo and refused to sit down. No matter how many death threats and f words used, they refused to sit down. Then the police showed up, and they still wouldn't sit down even when the police came to the row and said, either you sit down or we take you out of here. The went with option B to which the crowd went wild. The man of the group was actually arrested, what a tool.

Annual Lagoon Trip:
Lisa, Matt our friend Jonathan and I made our annual trip to Lagoon last month, will I ever outgrow Lagoon? I hope not. Obviously Lisa and I make Lagoon an annual event, Jonathan hadn't been in 10 years and Matt had never been....so it was quite the experience. In fact, Matt actually thought Lagoon had bark grounds....anyways, as always Lagoon never disappoints. Great rides, EXTREME people watching and bad BO. What more could you want out of a Saturday? On our 2nd ride I witnessed the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life. While on the Wicked roller coaster all the sudden Matt's hand whacked me in the face, we made awkward eye contact and he just shouted at me "PHONE!" I look down, and in mid air he had caught someones cell phone that was flying through the air. If only Ashley had been so lucky 3 years ago at Frightmares.... Anyways, moving on. Sadly, about an hour into the trip Jonathan got sick so the majority of the day it was a lot of 3 Amigo's action. Probably the highlight was going on Jetstar 2, after waiting in line for 20 minutes we realized that you had to be in groups of 2 in order to ride. Luckily, we found another group of 3 and I was able to pair up with a 14 year old Hispanic boy with braces. Since I was the larger of the two of us, I took back...which meant I got to straddle him for the duration of the ride. It wasn't awkward for any of us. Matt told him as the ride was going that if anything inappropriate happened during the ride to let him know....thanks Matt. Let's just say it was a quick silent ride.

Dreams coming true, Tori Amos:
For Katie Jo's birthday, Jason Sanders and I took Katie to the Tori Amos concert here in SLC. For those of you that don't know, I am a HUGE Tori fan. I know it's going to be hard to convince you that I am not a lesbian at this point, but I love her. Seriously though, wanna know who loves her more than the lesbians here in SLC? The gay men here in SLC. Honestly, I think it was worse than Cher, Elton John and Judy Garland combined....but I enjoyed it all the same. It was quite the crowd, lots of normals, lots of mid 30 yr old men with pedo haircuts braided belts and tucked in plaid shirts, lots of goths and lots of lesbians in floor length leather gowns. Fine by me. The concert was hysterical. At one point due to the loud music and blinking lights I thought I was going to go into epileptic shock....but luckily she moved onto the next song. However, am I the only one that was extremely disappointed that she didn't sing "Silent all These Years?

Buffalo Bills....the stuff dreams are made of

Sorry it took me so long to get this post up, but who has time to blog when there's so manyMichael Jackson specials to watched. I'm dead serious. I become obsessed with things like this even if I don't even care about the person....but when it's someone I really like (like MJ) it's off the charts, borderline ridiculous. I have even been combing through the dish daily to see if anything needs to be recorded while I am at work, I have watched everything youtube has to offer, I have read every magazine, every news story, watched every E special...I know I speak for all of us when I say I wish I was kidding....I'm not. I will now hang my head in shame.

Anyways, moving on. I just returned from an exciting weekend in Primm with the family....for those that don't know Primm is located 30 min away from Vegas.....one word, CLASSY. It's the half way point for us Utahan's to rendezvous with those from California. Originally it was supposed to be the entire family, but due to this and that it only wound up being my parents and Kristine and Jordan and I, you know the 5 Amigos, but we had a great time. Friday night started off to a bang when we realized that Buffalo Bills was hosting the "Snoop Dawg" concert that night. It's always nice to be sharing the hotel with Gangsta's Paradise, 80 year old grandmas and the "Gang Unit" from the LVPD. Seriously, this was a sight to be seen. On several occasions I thought I saw Snoop, and I'm not the only one. Jordan was convinced he was behind us in line while we were at McDonald's, sadly it was just one of the many, MANY lookalikes sharing the weekend with us. To be honest I was kind of surprised that Snoop was playing in Primm, but even more shocking was the fact that all of these people knew that Snoop was playing there and would actually travel to see him, but I'm not here to judge. Sadly, most of the Snoop crew left on Saturday, but the hot boxing in the elevator was fun while it lasted.

The rest of the trip was spent eating, shopping, watching MJ speculations and tributes and sitting poolside...aka my dream life. Oh, excuse me, how could I forget the Bonnie and Clyde exhibit next door....pardon me. As always the trip was also filled with hours and hours of laughing. That's something that my family is really good at, we laugh a lot together and genuinely enjoy being with each other which I feel really grateful for. On Monday after checking out we were walking to the parking lot and all the sudden my Dad noticed that all his windows in his truck were extremely smokey. So he runs over....and sure enough it was on fire. The previous day my Mom had set a brand new silver bowl filled with cute IKEA napkins on the seat and somehow due to the heat they caught on fire. I have never heard of this happening, but see for yourself. It's always nice to end the trip on a high....Thank you family for the great trip! And seriously "Keith Sweat" and "Montel Jordan" are coming to Primm next month....please let me know if your calendar clears up and you can make it, I'll see if Buffalo Bills offers any good bounce-back rates...

Hello.....Summer....

Well, I for one can't believe it's July. I feel as if the summer is already over....sad. So, I haven't written forever. I still always have things to write about....and then like a week goes by and I feel as if the post is now, a- not that cool or b- not that funny. But, I sure didn't want that to happen this time. You know, sometimes me and my sister Nat can't tell if stuff is appropriate or not....so....yeah....is this appropriate? Probably not, but that's a chance I am willing to take.

Since Lisa and I both had Friday off of work, naturally we made our way to the ol' public pool. Can I even tell you how much I LOVE public pools? Seriously, I could go day after day after day....hello prime people watching. I must say though, this week I really outdid myself. So, we went to the Steiner Pool and as we were walking I saw this lady in neon bikini bottoms with no top on lying face down. Why you can't handle string bikini lines is beyond me....however as I got closer I realized that this was in fact a man. A man in neon bikini bottoms. Naturally, Lisa and I set up shop. I was nervous about attempting to get the pics....but boy am I glad I did. And then when it was time to flip, seriously? It was also really special when he got too hot and had to dump water all over his crotch to cool off....naturally....















The weird part was that no one seemed phased or distracted by this except me and Lisa. He kept us entertained for hours. So....if this is your Dad/Brother/Uncle/Neighbor/Grandpa/Cousin/Co-worker....please give him a huge thanks from Lisa and I... We can only hope to catch you next week. Same time....same place?

New Favorite....

Seriously, if my boss didn't read my blog I would admit how many hours I could spend on this website. Honestly, when I get stressed or frustrated and work....I just head on over to this website and I am literally laughing all alone at my desk. I feel like I wish someone from my family would donate my 7th grade photo. Just to give you an idea of what it looked like:

-No makeup
-Pre-eyebrow plucking
-Pre-teeth whitening
-Pre-Chi day's
-The "Mormon Claw Bangs"
-Now the shirt, try and imagine the following: A baby blue, baby pink and white plaid waffle print....with the kicker....a denim collar. If that wasn't bad enough, apparently I was a prude back then and I had it buttoned to the tip top. So hot.

But in all seriousness, if you need some SERIOUS entertainment go ahead and log onto http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/ Go on....you know you want to....

Dominican Republic....No Problem....

So I just got back from an EXCELLENT trip to Dominican Republic last week. Can I even tell you....AMAZING. I don't know how many times on the trip I said things like, "I love the Dominican's...they are so cool here."

The trip started off a little rocky with our overnight stay in the Philadelphia airport. It was horrible. There were a few highlights though. Like when they kept paging "Brian McKnight to Baggage Carousel 5" which would result in Lisa and I singing out, "One....your like a dream come true....Two....just wanna be with you...." And while trying to sleep the creepy janitor lady kept vacuuming under our seats and yelling to her boss "I don't give a shit..." Then on our flight from Miami we met quite the character who was going to Dominican by herself for an emergency vacation because she broke up with her boyfriend. She wanted to chat the ENTIRE flight which was fine except she was being loose gums about everything except why her and her live in boyfriend of 3 years had broken up. The one thing a nosy person like myself actually wanted to hear about....

But, once we got there....hello heaven. Right on the beach, hot weather, bright sun, blue skies, and tons of sexual harassment by the workers that took some getting used to. I assumed that all the workers would speak English, boy am I an ass. I also assumed that there were going to be a lot of Americans....boy am I an ass. Tons of Europeans and Dominican's that speak zero English. At one point I had a conversation with a Dutchman in "Spanish"....yeah. There were several moments of "Lost in Translation" like when Lisa was trying to tell a little kids parents that their son was handsome, but accidentally called him fat.

But we had plenty of time for tons of R & R. Actually, we wound up never even doing our hair or makeup the entire trip. Which made us look like the following: First, we have a mix of Uncle Jessie and an American Fork Mom. I know, "Have Mercy" and here's Lisa as a mix of a seventh grader and a lead in a Jane Austen Film.

One day we did venture away from the resort to go to "Ocean World" where we had a day full of laughs. Once again, they were so cool there. Wanna get in the cages with the animals? No problem (yeah, in case you were wondering, I still don't like animals).

While we were there we also went to this Shark Show where we about laughed our heads off. Once again, a lot of "Lost in Translation" moments, but here's them chasing Lisa down because she yelled out "yes" when they asked if anyone wanted to see the shark's "money maker"

There really are just so many funny stories, but I will just give highlights:

-We almost starved to death because we hated the food. I'm sorry I can't handle eating "Cow Paw Stew" or eating off an entire pig that's on the chopping block with it's eyes still in tact.

-Us laying side by side on the lounges and a worker coming and laying in between us calling it a Dominican Sandwich.

-Lots of European Banana Hammocks....and watching a Dominican worker slap a guy on the butt in a speedo. Then, watching the Dominican worker chase the Europeans friend around the lounges trying to hit him in the crotch with a flip flop for laughing...

-Seriously, anytime we needed anything on the resort they would say, "Dominican Republic, no problem"

-Sitting on our balcony daily and watching American's do the strangest things.....like attempting yoga.

-The housekeeper walking all the way into our room daily without knocking at 8 am.

-The Dominican's tickling my feet, armpits and knocking me on the head while we were laying at the pool.

-The Dominican male workers explaining to me that if I wanted to stay, then he would take care of me. He also was able to explain to me that you don't need to be married to have 2 kids...

-Lisa and I getting rat tail braid in our hair.

-Forgetting that European women don't like to wear swim tops...

-2 American girls, getting a Chinese lettering henna tattoo, from a Dominican man. (the tat says Bad Girl in Chinese...hilarious)

-On the layover in Miami at 3 am I was able to spend 45 minutes talking to the TSA Agent about drug trafficking. Not to get too graphic (even though he spared NO details) girl's get too nervous while carrying drugs up their butt that they usually wind up pooing it out....so they have to stick it somewhere else. I will leave it at that...

-The same TSA agent asking me if it's true that Mormon's really bite people at night....I think he is confusing us for vampires.

But seriously, we had the most amazing trip! I miss it already....and don't worry. We'll be back!