SINGLETON LIVING

This is my confession

2011-09-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this is the forum for this....but I think it's time.

My sweet little friend Whitney moved to China a few weeks ago....so naturally my office needed to have a PD-Day. You know, professional development, aka "hang out and get to know each other during the work day" You know what I'm saying? How else would we send our girl off, but a trip to the fun park. We did a round of lazertag and while waiting for our bowling lane, we decided to take advantage of the arcade. Naturally, we got addicted to playing this game where you hit this button while it lights up a section and the section gets smaller and smaller as you go, and obviously the stakes get higher. 5...10...25...50....and jackpot. The jackpot was sitting at over 1,200 tickets. After spending a good 20 minutes and $10 on this game the majority of my office had wandered off, only to hear Whitney start to scream!

SHE HAD HIT THE JACKPOT! And 1,200+ tickets started spewing out of the machine. See, look at all those tickets!

I got so excited that I started jumping up and down and screaming. I then ditched my round of skee ball and started running over to her, and something happened. I don't know if it was the shock, the jealousy, the excitement, the blinking lights, but whatever it was, it forced me to pee my pants. I'm talking full on. How? Hey, I'm just as confused as you are. Obviously I didn't have a change of clothes and I knew if I told my office they would NEVER let me live it down. So, I did what any 28 year old girl that just peed their pants would do. I picked myself up by the boot straps, walked to the bathroom, did as much damage control as I could, called Lisa to laugh about it and continued on to my game of bowling. What other option did I have?

How am I 28 and still getting that excited about 1,200 tickets? Agh, it feels good to come clean.

In the Jugle....

2011-08-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about my trip to Thailand recently. It's weird to say it, but I miss it. Truth be told, sometimes I feel homesick for it. I know I was only there for 2 weeks, but I fell in love with it. So, don't be surprised if I start sharing random stories as I think of them. Mostly I feel like it's a once in a lifetime vacation and I want to semi-document the stories. If you know me at all you know I would never fall under the category of "awesome record keeper" Sorry about that posterity....

When Lisa and I were getting ready for the trip and people would ask us what we were doing there we always said, "get massages, lots of shopping, and riding an elephant." Aren't we retarded? But seriously, those were our 3 goals of the trip and I'm happy to report, check, check, CHECK!

This video says it all doesn't it? Let me set up the clip for you. Imagine us asking this man a million questions to which he doesn't respond due to a language barrier. Lucky for us,we discover that he sings English, yes, just doesn't speak it. I got the camera out just in time. Imagine, lots of laughter and smiles passed around by the 3 of us.

Lisa sounds like an ~~Angel~~ doesn't she? It was a little pitchy dawg.

I still smile and laugh everytime I watch....

Guess Who's Back....

2011-08-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

Cue the Eminem....cause Guess Who's Back?

I don't know what happened, but that's neither here nor there. But.....let's catch up shall we?

TRAVELED TO:

NYC 2011, did I mention we won the lottery for Broadway

Thailand 2011

Cancun 2011

Australia 2010

BUCKET LIST ITEMS COMPLETED:

Ran one of these....

Rode one of those....

PURCHASED:

A tax refund well spent am I right?

A little bid one eBay, a quick trip to AZ, and it was all mine....

REALIZED ABOUT MY AGE...

I'll never be too old to "Bounceback" to Lagoon...

I'm too old to fully enjoy a T-Pain Concert.....

I'm NEVER too old to celebrate my birthday at Classic Skating

IN OTHER NEWS:

I cut off these luscious locks.....

Added another little nugget to the family, isn't he yummy?

And got this old girl married off, AKA, my very best friend. Wasn't she a pretty bride?

In summary, I'm happy. I'm still in SLC. I'm still addicted to Diet Coke. Some good things never change. XO.

Who's Your Mommy!

2009-12-11T15:41:00.001-08:00

This is my facebook profile picture right now. This is my friend Christin and I. I love this girl, her and I have been friends since college and for quite some time she has been my college bud, my travel partner and concert companion. We have been EVERYWHERE together. So naturally, everywhere we go everyone asks if we are twins/sisters/cousins etc. We usually go with it because its more fun than explaining that no, we are just friends that look alike. Honestly, we do kind of look alike, same coloring, she's 6'1'' I'm 5'10'', be both have blonde hair, apple cheeks and blue eyes...you know very Arian nation if you will. A few weeks ago I got a friendship request from someone I don't know staying:

"A mother-daughter shot, I assume. Though, you seem to be carbon copies. Lol. Hi, I might be moving to Utah and just getting a head start on making friends. Cheers, Dany."

So, if Dany doesn't know me....and he doesn't know Christin....which one of us does he think is the mom of the mother-daughter shot? Please don't be me....

Massage Parlor?

2009-12-07T15:02:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back. I'm so lame. I have had so many funny things that I didn't document since the candle ordeal and now it's been so long that I don't think they are funny anymore. Lame.

Anyways, in other happier news, Lisa got the postcard for this weekends 2 for 1 at Utah College of Massage Therapy, so naturally we signed up. I know you are thinking, Kate, you work full time and your are single, don't you just pay to go and get real massages? Nope, I'm too cheap. So off we went at 8 am to go stand in line with the other trashy/cheap people of SLC at UCMT. While we waited we were talking about if you would rather have a male or female and Lisa decided males because they are stronger. Luckily, fish got her wish and Lisa ended up with a male.... he was a tiny Hispanic man that couldn't have weighed more than 100 lbs sopping wet. But don't worry, he assured her he could do a good job because he "has 2 months of experience under his belt." Perfect, no need to worry then. I ended up with Erica who looked like Sharon Osborn with the hair of Kate Goslin. Erica did a nice job besides the fact that she was really stingy with the lotion so at points I was worried my skin was going to come off the bone, and she kept doing this weird move on my legs where it felt like she was trying to scrape water off my calf and feet, like a quick sweeping motion. It was weird, I didn't like it. But for $12.50 for an hour massage what can you really expect?

I got done first and as I was walking to the lobby feeling really good about my $12.50 experience when this random guy (he graduated from the program a few years ago and now does laundry for UCMT....not sure if I am putting a lot of stock into this program) asked if me and my friend wanted to go again. Apparently they needed more people....so it turned into a 4 for 1 situation. Naturally I signed Lisa and I up for a round 2. This time I ended up with a great girl (who was liberal with the lotion) but my massage was extremely hard to enjoy due to the man next to me. If you have never been to UCMT this might be hard to understand, but you aren't in rooms. You are pretty much in a giant room with curtains dividing. AKA, no talking. He was asking the girl, where she was from, how long she had been with the program, what do you want to do after etc.....and not whispering. Also, it was extremely distracting because he made lots of noises, noises I would only expect to hear at a place called "Happy Ending Massage Parlor." Honestly, there couldn't have been more moaning, heavy breathing, and on several occasions he said, oh yeah, it hurts so good. It was gross. Then to top it off, he said, "Sorry about my belly noises, I had Greek for breakfast." At that point I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my massage therapist and she had to stop massaging because we were laughing too hard.

All in all a quality experience.....and FYI the 2 for 1 goes again this weekend. Think about it.

I'm not myself

2009-09-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

I really pride myself, I'm not a klutzy person. I don't trip on stuff, I don't break stuff, I don't run into things. Well, I didn't used to. I did the dumbest thing last night. Lisa and I had just gotten home from spinning and we were about to make dinner when I noticed the limes that I had forgotten that I had bought. In my excitement I reached over and grabbed the bag....which was underneath the candle warmer. As you can imagine the candle was which was completely melted went everywhere....and I mean everywhere.... I tried to catch it, but just wound up making it worse. It was all over my body, the floor, cupboard and door. Awesome.

Luckily this was the second time this has happened so we were able to get right down to business. And since we had just gotten home from spinning we were in the best mood so we just scraped the wax off with pancake turners while singing an EXCELLENT rendition of "Shoop" By Salt and Peppa. "Here I go, here I go, here I go again....girls what's my weakness? Men! Ok then chillin, chillin, mindin my business....."

I think it's time to find a new spot for the candle warmer....

PSA

2009-09-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

Last night when I was driving home from the movies I saw a disturbing license plate cover. On the back of the Nissan Sentra it read, "Who needs a man when I have cats?"

Please don't let me turn into a crazy cat lady....please!

It's still in....

2009-08-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

After several discussions the verdict is in....apparently blogging is still in. Anyways, I have a couple stories to share:

A couple weeks ago I was able to head back up to Logan for a wedding of my cute little friend Enz. True to "Mormon Wedding Code", she over invited so there wasn't enough chairs to sit in. So, my friends Stacie, Erin and I went ahead and shared the 2 chairs left. Naturally, we were sitting really close and I had my arms around them to keep us from falling on the floor. After the wedding, a stranger (seriously never met this man before) comes up to me and says, "The way you were holding on to those girls in there I could really tell that you really really want to get married. Don't worry.....it's going to happen for you someday." Um....thanks. There's nothing like getting pitty looks and pep talks from complete strangers to lift my poor, sad, depressing, pathetic single spirit. I don't tell you this story to get sympathy, mostly to remind myself when I am older not to do this to us single folks. But the silver lining....this man DID have a single son at the wedding. He pointed him out to me, sadly I had to run and "find my purse" and "I got lost" and had to use "a different exit". I'm sure he and I would have been really happy together. Damn.

In other news, I made my annual trip to Raging Water's this past weekend. It was everything I could have wanted out of my Saturday afternoon in West Valley. A couple highlights from the trip:

*Our cute special needs friend Marcos came along with us, priceless! We did accidentally have him go last on the water slide....which we had to coax him down for about 5 minutes. Sadly, it was Marco's first and only trip down the slides. Sorry we ruined it for ya bud.

*Ashley and I got in a fight with a group of about 20 teenage Polynesian boys in the wave pool. We talked a good talk, but let's just say we couldn't walk the walk. They won this round, but only because in the middle of the wave pool they came up from behind us and tipped the tube which resulted in me nearly drowning and me kicking Ashley in the jaw. We made a hasty exit.

*My debit card was stolen and used. Seriously....am I not one with the universe? I'm the only one that got stolen from....shocking. But, it was nice to fill out my 3rd police report of the year. I swear I am totally going for the Gold Medal, watch out Michael Phelps.

*Don't worry, I was ablt to escape without a mamogram or losing my bottoms. All in all....perfect.

And lastly....this week for my ward we did a little service project where we shuttled refugee's to their new charter school. What an experience, I seriously fell in love with these kids. I love refugee's. Honestly, they don't know me, and they just hand me 3 kids under 10 and just tell me to bring them back. We had quite the time. I rolled down all the windows, rolled down the sunroof and off we went with the music blasting into the sunset. They spoke very little English, but with rap music it's more about the beat...right? I taught them some American Dance moves and all they kept doing is laughing and telling me I was crazy. We took them and showed them where their classes were, oddly the teachers kept thinking since I brought them that I was the interpreter....sorry lady I speak ZERO Nepalese. But, we did the best we could with drawings, pointing, shaking heads and lots of smiles and thumbs up. Don't worry, I took them home at the end of the night....even though I kind of wanted to keep them....

Bionic Booty

2009-08-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

So last night I got home from Bear Lake to find the "Buns of Steel" circa 1980's VHS sitting in my room.....um Lisa....what's this. She explained that she had borrowed it from her sister in hopes of getting a better butt. If you can't beat em....join em. So if you needed me last night around 10:30 at night, sorry I was busy. Busy as Lisa and I were turning our Buns to Steel. It's a little crammed with the 2 of us in my room so we had to take turns moving from the bed to the floor. It was a sight to be seen. Laugh as you must right now, but when I have a Bionic Booty next year....who's gonna be the one laughing?

In case you have never seen the video.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ou6_HKVZ_Y&feature=related#watch-main-area (and yes, please imagine those people to be Lisa and I)

July....it came and went

2009-08-10T08:51:00.000-07:00

Is blogging still in? I have no idea, I feel a little out of touch with the whole things these days....but I did want to remember a couple things from July, so here goes:

George Straight:
My sweet friend Christin invited me to go to the George Straight concert with her out at USANA. Now, just as a reminder I am in no way a country music fan, but let's be honest is there anything better than an outdoor concert in the summer? I think not. Plus, let's be honest is there anything better than people watching, and let me tell you, it was at an all time prime. I am still always amazing that I co-exist with these people 365 days of the year. There were too many highlights to document....like when I watched K Bull throw stuff into the crowd and watched it nail this girl in the eyeball and watched as she struggled to hold back tears, classic. This actually happened to Angela Roberts in HS, except it was a tape from U92 and it happened at Wam Bam Summer Jam...but you get the idea. Anyways, the complete highlight was getting to watch some police action right on my row. As the concert started, knowing good concert etiquette, I took my seat. This group of 4 on my row obviously didn't get the memo and refused to sit down. No matter how many death threats and f words used, they refused to sit down. Then the police showed up, and they still wouldn't sit down even when the police came to the row and said, either you sit down or we take you out of here. The went with option B to which the crowd went wild. The man of the group was actually arrested, what a tool.

Annual Lagoon Trip:
Lisa, Matt our friend Jonathan and I made our annual trip to Lagoon last month, will I ever outgrow Lagoon? I hope not. Obviously Lisa and I make Lagoon an annual event, Jonathan hadn't been in 10 years and Matt had never been....so it was quite the experience. In fact, Matt actually thought Lagoon had bark grounds....anyways, as always Lagoon never disappoints. Great rides, EXTREME people watching and bad BO. What more could you want out of a Saturday? On our 2nd ride I witnessed the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life. While on the Wicked roller coaster all the sudden Matt's hand whacked me in the face, we made awkward eye contact and he just shouted at me "PHONE!" I look down, and in mid air he had caught someones cell phone that was flying through the air. If only Ashley had been so lucky 3 years ago at Frightmares.... Anyways, moving on. Sadly, about an hour into the trip Jonathan got sick so the majority of the day it was a lot of 3 Amigo's action. Probably the highlight was going on Jetstar 2, after waiting in line for 20 minutes we realized that you had to be in groups of 2 in order to ride. Luckily, we found another group of 3 and I was able to pair up with a 14 year old Hispanic boy with braces. Since I was the larger of the two of us, I took back...which meant I got to straddle him for the duration of the ride. It wasn't awkward for any of us. Matt told him as the ride was going that if anything inappropriate happened during the ride to let him know....thanks Matt. Let's just say it was a quick silent ride.

Dreams coming true, Tori Amos:
For Katie Jo's birthday, Jason Sanders and I took Katie to the Tori Amos concert here in SLC. For those of you that don't know, I am a HUGE Tori fan. I know it's going to be hard to convince you that I am not a lesbian at this point, but I love her. Seriously though, wanna know who loves her more than the lesbians here in SLC? The gay men here in SLC. Honestly, I think it was worse than Cher, Elton John and Judy Garland combined....but I enjoyed it all the same. It was quite the crowd, lots of normals, lots of mid 30 yr old men with pedo haircuts braided belts and tucked in plaid shirts, lots of goths and lots of lesbians in floor length leather gowns. Fine by me. The concert was hysterical. At one point due to the loud music and blinking lights I thought I was going to go into epileptic shock....but luckily she moved onto the next song. However, am I the only one that was extremely disappointed that she didn't sing "Silent all These Years?

Buffalo Bills....the stuff dreams are made of

2009-07-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry it took me so long to get this post up, but who has time to blog when there's so manyMichael Jackson specials to watched. I'm dead serious. I become obsessed with things like this even if I don't even care about the person....but when it's someone I really like (like MJ) it's off the charts, borderline ridiculous. I have even been combing through the dish daily to see if anything needs to be recorded while I am at work, I have watched everything youtube has to offer, I have read every magazine, every news story, watched every E special...I know I speak for all of us when I say I wish I was kidding....I'm not. I will now hang my head in shame.

Anyways, moving on. I just returned from an exciting weekend in Primm with the family....for those that don't know Primm is located 30 min away from Vegas.....one word, CLASSY. It's the half way point for us Utahan's to rendezvous with those from California. Originally it was supposed to be the entire family, but due to this and that it only wound up being my parents and Kristine and Jordan and I, you know the 5 Amigos, but we had a great time. Friday night started off to a bang when we realized that Buffalo Bills was hosting the "Snoop Dawg" concert that night. It's always nice to be sharing the hotel with Gangsta's Paradise, 80 year old grandmas and the "Gang Unit" from the LVPD. Seriously, this was a sight to be seen. On several occasions I thought I saw Snoop, and I'm not the only one. Jordan was convinced he was behind us in line while we were at McDonald's, sadly it was just one of the many, MANY lookalikes sharing the weekend with us. To be honest I was kind of surprised that Snoop was playing in Primm, but even more shocking was the fact that all of these people knew that Snoop was playing there and would actually travel to see him, but I'm not here to judge. Sadly, most of the Snoop crew left on Saturday, but the hot boxing in the elevator was fun while it lasted.

The rest of the trip was spent eating, shopping, watching MJ speculations and tributes and sitting poolside...aka my dream life. Oh, excuse me, how could I forget the Bonnie and Clyde exhibit next door....pardon me. As always the trip was also filled with hours and hours of laughing. That's something that my family is really good at, we laugh a lot together and genuinely enjoy being with each other which I feel really grateful for. On Monday after checking out we were walking to the parking lot and all the sudden my Dad noticed that all his windows in his truck were extremely smokey. So he runs over....and sure enough it was on fire. The previous day my Mom had set a brand new silver bowl filled with cute IKEA napkins on the seat and somehow due to the heat they caught on fire. I have never heard of this happening, but see for yourself. It's always nice to end the trip on a high....Thank you family for the great trip! And seriously "Keith Sweat" and "Montel Jordan" are coming to Primm next month....please let me know if your calendar clears up and you can make it, I'll see if Buffalo Bills offers any good bounce-back rates...

Hello.....Summer....

2009-07-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I for one can't believe it's July. I feel as if the summer is already over....sad. So, I haven't written forever. I still always have things to write about....and then like a week goes by and I feel as if the post is now, a- not that cool or b- not that funny. But, I sure didn't want that to happen this time. You know, sometimes me and my sister Nat can't tell if stuff is appropriate or not....so....yeah....is this appropriate? Probably not, but that's a chance I am willing to take.

Since Lisa and I both had Friday off of work, naturally we made our way to the ol' public pool. Can I even tell you how much I LOVE public pools? Seriously, I could go day after day after day....hello prime people watching. I must say though, this week I really outdid myself. So, we went to the Steiner Pool and as we were walking I saw this lady in neon bikini bottoms with no top on lying face down. Why you can't handle string bikini lines is beyond me....however as I got closer I realized that this was in fact a man. A man in neon bikini bottoms. Naturally, Lisa and I set up shop. I was nervous about attempting to get the pics....but boy am I glad I did. And then when it was time to flip, seriously? It was also really special when he got too hot and had to dump water all over his crotch to cool off....naturally....

The weird part was that no one seemed phased or distracted by this except me and Lisa. He kept us entertained for hours. So....if this is your Dad/Brother/Uncle/Neighbor/Grandpa/Cousin/Co-worker....please give him a huge thanks from Lisa and I... We can only hope to catch you next week. Same time....same place?

New Favorite....

2009-06-01T14:00:00.000-07:00

Seriously, if my boss didn't read my blog I would admit how many hours I could spend on this website. Honestly, when I get stressed or frustrated and work....I just head on over to this website and I am literally laughing all alone at my desk. I feel like I wish someone from my family would donate my 7th grade photo. Just to give you an idea of what it looked like:

-No makeup
-Pre-eyebrow plucking
-Pre-teeth whitening
-Pre-Chi day's
-The "Mormon Claw Bangs"
-Now the shirt, try and imagine the following: A baby blue, baby pink and white plaid waffle print....with the kicker....a denim collar. If that wasn't bad enough, apparently I was a prude back then and I had it buttoned to the tip top. So hot.

But in all seriousness, if you need some SERIOUS entertainment go ahead and log onto http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/ Go on....you know you want to....

Dominican Republic....No Problem....

2009-05-20T10:15:00.001-07:00

So I just got back from an EXCELLENT trip to Dominican Republic last week. Can I even tell you....AMAZING. I don't know how many times on the trip I said things like, "I love the Dominican's...they are so cool here."

The trip started off a little rocky with our overnight stay in the Philadelphia airport. It was horrible. There were a few highlights though. Like when they kept paging "Brian McKnight to Baggage Carousel 5" which would result in Lisa and I singing out, "One....your like a dream come true....Two....just wanna be with you...." And while trying to sleep the creepy janitor lady kept vacuuming under our seats and yelling to her boss "I don't give a shit..." Then on our flight from Miami we met quite the character who was going to Dominican by herself for an emergency vacation because she broke up with her boyfriend. She wanted to chat the ENTIRE flight which was fine except she was being loose gums about everything except why her and her live in boyfriend of 3 years had broken up. The one thing a nosy person like myself actually wanted to hear about....

But, once we got there....hello heaven. Right on the beach, hot weather, bright sun, blue skies, and tons of sexual harassment by the workers that took some getting used to. I assumed that all the workers would speak English, boy am I an ass. I also assumed that there were going to be a lot of Americans....boy am I an ass. Tons of Europeans and Dominican's that speak zero English. At one point I had a conversation with a Dutchman in "Spanish"....yeah. There were several moments of "Lost in Translation" like when Lisa was trying to tell a little kids parents that their son was handsome, but accidentally called him fat.

But we had plenty of time for tons of R & R. Actually, we wound up never even doing our hair or makeup the entire trip. Which made us look like the following: First, we have a mix of Uncle Jessie and an American Fork Mom. I know, "Have Mercy" and here's Lisa as a mix of a seventh grader and a lead in a Jane Austen Film.

One day we did venture away from the resort to go to "Ocean World" where we had a day full of laughs. Once again, they were so cool there. Wanna get in the cages with the animals? No problem (yeah, in case you were wondering, I still don't like animals).

While we were there we also went to this Shark Show where we about laughed our heads off. Once again, a lot of "Lost in Translation" moments, but here's them chasing Lisa down because she yelled out "yes" when they asked if anyone wanted to see the shark's "money maker"

There really are just so many funny stories, but I will just give highlights:

-We almost starved to death because we hated the food. I'm sorry I can't handle eating "Cow Paw Stew" or eating off an entire pig that's on the chopping block with it's eyes still in tact.

-Us laying side by side on the lounges and a worker coming and laying in between us calling it a Dominican Sandwich.

-Lots of European Banana Hammocks....and watching a Dominican worker slap a guy on the butt in a speedo. Then, watching the Dominican worker chase the Europeans friend around the lounges trying to hit him in the crotch with a flip flop for laughing...

-Seriously, anytime we needed anything on the resort they would say, "Dominican Republic, no problem"

-Sitting on our balcony daily and watching American's do the strangest things.....like attempting yoga.

-The housekeeper walking all the way into our room daily without knocking at 8 am.

-The Dominican's tickling my feet, armpits and knocking me on the head while we were laying at the pool.

-The Dominican male workers explaining to me that if I wanted to stay, then he would take care of me. He also was able to explain to me that you don't need to be married to have 2 kids...

-Lisa and I getting rat tail braid in our hair.

-Forgetting that European women don't like to wear swim tops...

-2 American girls, getting a Chinese lettering henna tattoo, from a Dominican man. (the tat says Bad Girl in Chinese...hilarious)

-On the layover in Miami at 3 am I was able to spend 45 minutes talking to the TSA Agent about drug trafficking. Not to get too graphic (even though he spared NO details) girl's get too nervous while carrying drugs up their butt that they usually wind up pooing it out....so they have to stick it somewhere else. I will leave it at that...

-The same TSA agent asking me if it's true that Mormon's really bite people at night....I think he is confusing us for vampires.

But seriously, we had the most amazing trip! I miss it already....and don't worry. We'll be back!

Lily Allen Anyone?

2009-04-27T15:50:00.000-07:00

A little late, but better late than never....so I went to the Lily Allen concert a couple weeks ago and it was hilarious! Truth be told, she is kind of my idol (minus the language and the smoking...) Seriously, she smoked throughout the concert, is that normal? Just kidding, not my idol but I love British accents and she is a celebrity, she's got it all.... So I took my friend Christin for her birthday and I'm not going to lie. Probably the funnest gift I have given (right Christin?) The night started off freezing our butts off waiting with the strangest people of SLC. I especially enjoyed the hippy women behind us (lesbians I assume) who I couldn't help but overhear her ranting about pigs (pre-flu). It went a little something like this...."And then they line up the lady pigs and shoot man pig up them and throw them back in their poo infested cages..." Mmm....pork. The other white meat....

It was general admission so we hurried to the front and wound up super close to the stage. It didn't last long though. That's what I don't understand about GA, why do people that got there much later than me think it's ok to plow their way to the front when they obviously got there later than us? It got awkward, real fast.

This mother/daughter combo was just too much for me to handle. Do they look familiar? You probably either saw them on Jerry Springer or possibly Maury (I assume paternity tests revealed) at some point. Seriously. Apparently, the daughter (the one with the Mohawk) wanted to get closer to the stage. So, her mother gets behind her and the two of them acted like a cannonball plowing through the audience. Naturally, people got ticked and at that point the mother grabbed a younger girl and held her by the collar and held her fist up to her face. Like I said, it got really awkward. Lily Allen saw the whole thing happen from the stage and told them to "(expletive) knock it off. This is my (expletive) show and if you don't knock it off I am going to come down there at (expletive) your (expletive). Yeah. I wanted to make sure you could get a visual so I had Christin take a picture of me to see how bad the flash was. I made her take the picture, and luckily we were not caught. I was worried that if Christin was caught, they might kill her, but it was a chance I was willing to take...

Another highlight of the concert is when Lily dedicated a song to all the women and gay's in the audience. She only confirmed my suspicions....about 80% of the men in SLC are gay. You heard it here first. So, if any of you are wondering why I am not dating anyone...there you have it....so please stop asking.

The concert was a BLAST, however, as sad as it is I fear I might be getting too old for GA. I mean, I sweated my brains out, my feet got stomped to the ground a million times and I kept getting hit in the head with random things. Also, not to be rude, but teenagers, you are super annoying. I distinctly remember telling Christin that if this girl put her hands in my face again

I was going to rip her fingers off. Sorry, it was the truth.

Christin, thanks for having a birthday....and Lily....thanks for the excellent concert!

Sometimes You Wanna Go....

2009-04-10T15:35:00.000-07:00

Where everybody knows your name...if you know it, sing along.

Anyways, I'm a soda fan. Everyone knows it, I am a HUGE Diet Coke fan. I have been drinking it for years, but I will admit the older I get, the worse the addiction. I have always been worried about turning into "one of those people" you know, the "regulars" at the convenience store. I never want them to recognize me, I never want them to memorize what I get, my pride won't let me. Well, that was the old me...I have turned over a new leaf since moving to Salt Lake. That's when I discovered the Tesoro Station. Always clean, delicious Diet Coke, nice cashiers...what more could you ask for. Oh I know, 79 cent fountain drinks for "March Madness" (even though this special is still going). It has really taken the addiction to a new level. I started with a 32 oz....moved to the 44 oz....but with prices like that I have been known to pick up the 64 oz on occasion (I do get embarrassed a little when that happens). For convenience I have started to just grab the fountain on my way to work, I know, totally trashy. The morning crew doesn't really rotate, same people day after day. They never act like the know who I am though (which I appreciate)....until today....

On my lunch break I swung down to the Tesoro Station where the morning crew was still there. As I'm checking out the cashier says to me, "You are in here a little later than usual." Me....I'm caught (deer in headlights). We both just laughed....and then I left

So apparently I'm "one of those people" And to be honest, it's not so bad....

Things That Must Go...April Style

2009-04-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

1- Non-compact cars in the compact cars stall:
I work at the Well's Fargo building and the parking is already such a pain. It's so freaking compact that I am literally always worried I am going to drive into a truck's hitch when I go around the corners. However, there are SEVERAL bonus parking stalls that are for "compact cars" only. Now, when I think "compact" I am thinking of, Mini's, Metro's, The Smart Car...I am kind of thinking the Passat is even a stretch here. Wanna know what is really a stretch? An Escalade, an F150, an H2, a Tahoe. I have seriously seen all these cars parked in the compact stalls, so to teach them a lesson I park right next to them and usually I park so close to them that they probably have to go in through the passenger side....I am never above teaching lessons....

2- Facebook Flare:
Am I the only one on the planet that isn't into facebook flare? Am I the only one not laughing? Seriously, stop: throwing snowballs at me, giving me wedgies, attempting to purchase me, giving me 2 extra minutes at lunch, throwing lambs at me. I'm REALLY not into it....

3-Transition Lenses
There is only one person in the world that I know can pull of the transition lenses. Her name is Joy and she works in my office. Everyone else, you look like a perv. I can't quite pinpoint what creeps me out about it, maybe its the fact that you are come indoors and it takes 5 minutes for me to be able to see your eyeball again. Or maybe its the fact that I can see your eye ball and every second it gets darker....and darker...until I can no longer see your eyeball. Where are you looking, what are you looking at? We have no idea! Like I said, I can't pinpoint it...but they totally creep me out. So company's, please stop making them. Consumers, please stop buying them.

4- Employees Must Wash Their Hands
Every time I see one of these signs it really grosses me out. For starters, what kind of world are we living in that we actually have to make it a law that employees have to wash their hands after going to the bathroom. It shouldn't be a law....it's called common courtesy or AKA personal hygiene.

And let's be honest, I have a hard time thinking that the employee at Taco Bell goes to the bathroom and is about to walk back to the taco station and passes the sign and thinks ,"Oh yeah, I am supposed to wash my hands before returning to work." Sorry, not happening. I assume they look at the sign and think...."Oh yeah, you can't tell em what to do. I'll show you....." Sorry, did I take this too far?

5- The "Bill Gates" email:
Folks, Bill Gates isn't going to share his multi-million dollar fortune with you by forwarding on the email. Caroline Gibson in North Carolina didn't really receive a check for $108,900 for forwarding the email. Microsoft doesn't need to track how emails forward. It's a hoax people....please stop sending me this email that has been circulating for about 8 years now.... My freshman year of college (2001) I forwarded it along to everyone I knew....I never received the check and I learned my lesson. For those still forwarding this email around, learn your lesson please.

I'm on Glue

2009-03-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

The other day my Mom and I were talking about how the funniest things are always happening to me. However, I am starting to wonder if maybe these things really aren't happening to me, maybe I am a bit delusional, maybe I am just imagining them....or making them up in my head. Why you ask?

So this morning I was picking up a very toasted Matt (Lisa's boyfriend) from the airport and I was a bit early so I pulled into the waiting area which was packed with cars. I'm just sitting there, listening to music, checking out my area when all the sudden out of no where a clown emerges from the bushes. I am being seriously folks, a full clown. Baggy blue pants, rainbow suspenders, an Americana button down, full makeup, huge shoes, even a huge red wig. We made eye contact as he walked through the parking lot which naturally made me bust up laughing. He just keeps walking and gets into a "child molester" looking huge white van and drives off. No words, no tricks, just coming out from the bushes. I'm hysterical, desperate to have a laugh with someone. I scan the cars next to me, across from me, behind me....nothing. No one saw, no one laughed. So there I sat, all alone laughing.

Maybe there wasn't really a clown....maybe I'm on glue...

But I'm pretty positive about the clown....

Twilight?

2009-03-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

I have been debating about writing this for days because I know I am one of the only people that feel this way...but I just can't stop thinking about it. And if I don't write it it's just going to bottle up until I go postal. I know, sounds scary right? So last week Lisa and I attempted (key word) to see TWILIGHT. Seriously? I felt like I had died and gone to hell. I know, I know, maybe I went in with too high of expectations. I know, I know, I saw it at the dollar theater, what was I expecting. I know, I know, I shouldn't have watched it the day after seeing Slumdog Millionaire.

We get to the theater and it really was just a downward spiral. We wind up sitting right in front of this less than pleasant looking family with like 5 kids under 5. Also, it made me super uncomfortable to see 2 grown men seeing the movie by themselves....seriously? It made me feel sad for them because they were alone...mixed with being really uncomfortable. I couldn't help but think that they were there to perp on kids. There, I said it. I am my mother's daughter...

Anyhow, after 40 EXCRUCIATING, painful minutes of watching this movie we were out the door. Honestly, Lisa wanted to leave 20 minutes into it but I was convinced that it had to get better. Nope, it didn't. And after the less than pleasant mother turned to her husband and whispered, "I just got goosebumps" we were out of there.

However, I have taken this time to compile a list of things that sound better than having to watch Twilight ever again:

-Chinese water torture
-Attending a funeral
-Having each of my toenails ripped off....one at a time
-Watch a badmitton tournament
-Drive through scenic Wyoming
-Giving a sponge bath to a geriatric
-Clean the men's locker room at ANY gym
-Read the Dictionary
-Go to a Jonas Brother's Concert
-Get Vinerial Disease

I'm sorry, seriously am I alone on this one? Come on Lisa, I know you have my back...

Tact? Totally overated

2009-03-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

So this weekend I was running (literally) around Gateway trying to get to my movie and this homeless man stopped me and said, "Hey, you look rich, can I have some of your money?" Seriously? Little did I know that this was going to only be the start of a tactless filled weekend.

On Saturday for work I had to attend the "Expanding Your Horizon's" conference for girls. The conference is for girls from 6th grade to high school who are interested in science and math. I have so much in common with these girls...yeah....totally my demographic. As I was at the fair, I struck up a conversation with a mother/daughter combo. After a few minutes of chatting we put it together that her son and I had gone to high school together. Honestly, I have no idea who her son is, but I just figured it would be better to just go along with it. I decided to do the whole, "So what is Ryan up to anyways?" She looks at me and says, while rolling her eyes mind you, "He is FINALLY getting married next month." Hey dipshit, check your audience, check my finger. Your son and I are the same age....and I am not married. So next time, no need to roll your eyes and enunciate the word FINALLY. Thanks.

Then to make matters worse, about 5 minutes later, this totally awkward homely looking high school girl walks up to me nursing a Dr Pepper and a highly caffinated SOBE. I told her that she was too young to possibly need that much caffeine. She's an insomniac she explained...and apparently I do not want to see her without caffeine. Naturally. Just for you Timberwolves out there, this girl was the female version of Peter Olsen....yeah....just wanting to give you a full visual. So after her talking to me for about 10 minutes about fantasy novels, video games, math equations, insomnia, leprachauns and caffeine she asks me where I went to high school. I told her THS (the best, uh) and she told me that she thought I had said I went to North Summit. Sorry, no I told her. Then she said, "Oh I just figured that if you had gone to North Summit you probably would have gone to high school with my mom." So as if being single (eye roll please) isn't bad enough, apparently I look like I am in my 40's, awesome.

So for what it's worth, thank's Expanding Your Horizon's for helping me expand my own horizon's....

Celebrity Look Alike...

2009-03-05T13:25:00.000-08:00

My whole life I have wanted to be a celebrity, I know, what else is new. Please someone make me into a celebrity....Also my whole life, I have wanted to look like someone famous. Which let's face the music, I don't. But just yesterday I was talking to some potential students and he said, "Has anyone told you that you look just like that lady from MAD TV?" Yes, yes they have. For years people have told me that I look like Nicole Sullivan which I have always hated because I don't really find her attractive (nothing could be worse that Kathy Griffin though...) But now that I look at her I don't think she's so bad, probably because I kind of think I do in fact look like her. I thought you she looked prettiest in this prego pic so go with it ok?

Then last year, I was at the DR and he was convinced I looked like someone. So instead of talking about my adult onset asthma (I know, I know, totally embarrassing asthma and bunions?) we spent a good 40 minutes sitting there on the Internet trying to figure out who I looked at. Amanda Bynes it is. Once again, always thought she was super annoying and not very attractive, but this girl has come a long way. And once again, maybe I am just telling myself this because I can kind of see it, but I would love to look like you Amanda,. So I figured, that's it? Just these 2? I am 26 years old and these are the only 2 people I have ever looked like? So I was expressing this concern to some girlfriends when my friend Annie (who meant this in the NICEST way) says to me. "No you know what you look like Kate? A Cabbage Patch doll."

So, luckily now, we do have a third option. At first I was laughing so hard I could hardly stand it and once again I started thinking about the similarities. Here's what I have come up with,

-Round face, check!

-Big cheeks, check!

-Round eyes, like perfect circles, check!

-Small teeth, you know like little corn kernels, check

-Small butt, check!

-Bigger mid-section, check!

-Yarn hair, sorry no!

Although this is not totally what I was looking for, it's just nice to have another option...

Pointless....

2009-02-20T07:31:00.000-08:00

Thanks everyone for the sympathy of the robbery, and just so you all know. I am totally not moving, I just figure at this point what else could happen. But if I move, I could start back in square one....right?

So anyways, funny story. A couple weeks ago, this kid from my ward (who will remain nameless) and I went out for ice cream and naturally anyone that knows me knows the conversation isn't exactly "normal". I mean sure, we talked about the weather, school, jobs, friends...whatever....bore alert... But naturally, we talked about the other "usual" stuff like my obsession with Dinosaurs (where did they go, what was their point, did they ever walk this earth?), Jon Bennet Ramsey (who killed her damnit) and did we really land on the moon. I'm sorry, that's just how my brain works. So a few nights later, I run into this same kid at a ward function (I blame myself for being there) and he comes up and starts telling me this way random story, well not really story but it basically included him telling me about where he ate dinner the 2 previous nights, his friend losing his job and a lawsuit he heard about. I'm totally following. At the end of this 5 minute pointless story he turns to me and says:

Nameless: (with a confused face)I have no idea why I told you that story.
Me: Me neither, but whatever.
Nameless: I guess I just figured that you always tell me stuff that has no point so I just felt like I should too.
Me: Ha, yeah...totally....

So for what it's worth friends, thanks for sticking with me through these "pointless stories"

Have A Wronged You?

2009-02-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

You know how they say, "Kharma's a Bitch?" I know. Obviously I must have done something to someone that I am getting paid back for. I would LOVE to fix this, will you please tell me who you are...and what I have done to you....I can't afford to pay back anymore.

On Saturday I woke up and was hanging out in my underoo's drinking my morning Diet Coke when the door bell rang. I scampered off to my room hearing my neighbor ask the dreaded question, does anyone own that VW Passat across the street. Oh...shit...I do. That's never a good question, obviously something was wrong. I knew my neighbor wasn't just thinking, that's a cute Passat, I wonder who owns it? So, I head outside to see this...

Yeah, what you are seeing here is what happens to glass when it's struck with an object such as a baseball bat. I am going to go 50/50 here with the robber though. They were after what looks like a purse, which was in fact my scripture bag. The very same scripture bag that had already been gone through in the previous robbery:

The little yellow ditty right there. I would have loved to have seen the look on their faces when they open up the purse to find a quad, some lip gloss, some gum and a Gospel Essentials lesson manual. I just wish I would have known, I would have saved them the trouble and taken them down to the distribution center, I believe I paid $3.95 for the manual. They weren't really interested in keeping the bag or anything, I was able to find my stuff strewn throughout the neighborhood, kind of like a mini scavenger hunt. We were able to get everything back, except, brace yourself....the Orbit gum....

Naturally I was back on the phone with the SLPD (Salt Lake Police Department) and let me just tell you, that's 5 minutes of my life I can't get back. It ended up with them telling me that they wouldn't be sending anyone out, and to let them know if I saw anything suspicious. Gee, thanks for the tip you worthless idiots. I mean, can you just humor me for a moment and come out and and take some pictures....have me sign something....anything. Anything to show me that you are actually earning the salary that is being withheld from my paycheck every month. I just wish they had sent the lady cop to tell me I was SOL again, I loved that. It's just nice to see that they are really wanting to take a bite out of crime, thanks SLPD.

Luckily they robbed 3 cars on Friday night so no this was not a hate crime. For some reason it made me feel better.

I took it into the shop on Saturday to get it fixed and I felt so white trash even driving it there. It looks like I either live in the ghetto, or I have some crazy x-boyfriend that paid me a visit. I didn't even bother calling Met Life on this one, I just decided to pay out of pocket. I can't afford to lose my auto insurance too.

So after $170 in window repairs I was on my way. However, I got a little bit of a flat on the way home so I stopped at Maverick to pump up the tire. I was just bending over to test my tire pressure when I heard this guy in an Escalade whistle at me. I stood up, gave him a look of death and had my hand ready to give the bird (sorry Mom) when he got out and asked if he could help me. Usually I would have said no, but sure why not. So out hops this little scrawny 20 year old boy to help me with the tires. His friends also got out to watch, these friends included a 5' tall Thai man (maybe around 28) in gangster clothes, a 45 year old homeless looking crippled man on a cane, a 22 year old Hispanic pregnant girl and a 40 year old white lady. I know quite the crew. We all just stood there, the only conversation we had was when the Thai thug said, "Nice car" and I said, "Thanks....you drive an Escalade." I did tell the tire man about the bad day I was having and he said that he was willing to help me with that situation too. So, I guess this is a warning to whoever keeps stealing from me...do you want that weird mix of people showing up at your door? Watch yourself.

I don't live in a scary neighborhood, my friend Dave explained that "Ghetto don't steal from Ghetto." They come from his neighborhood, and come steal from my neighborhood. So, does anyone have some vacancies in West Valley....I need to move to the Ghetto....

Puerto Vallarta...making my wildest dreams come true...

2009-01-18T09:51:00.000-08:00

First off, for some reason my Mazatlan recap got put in the wrong place, it's underneath the last post. The only reason I assume most people didn't read it is because I didn't even get a comment from my Mom...which I always do (which I love Mom!) so just in case you missed it, scroll down

Anyways, the last installment of the cruise. I think that Puerto Vallarta was my favorite stop. When we got off the ship Natalie and I were hell bent on swimming with the dolphins. Oddly it has always been a dream of both of ours...we were prepared to make our wildest dreams come true. I am not sure of where my love of dolphins came from, but I assume it has to do with when Nick and Jessica went to the Bahama's on their show Newlyweds, Nick and Jessica I refuse to believe that I am the only one that misses the Lachey-Simpsons. Sad side story, but when they announced their divorce I started to cry...seriously. I know, totally embarrassing.

So after walking around the port we find someone the help us get the dolphins. We get it all lined up, and we are on our way...on our mission to dolphins. After a scary encounter with a taxi driver who wanted more than we wanted to pay (Natalie, so sweet...yet very feisty) we were on our way. As we were passing the freeway I look over and see a huge water park (Raging Waters? Hello!) and I turn to Nat and say wouldn't that be the neatest thing if the dolphins were at that water park? Just then, the taxi driver pulls off the freeway...no! It can't be! They are combined! Naturally, Nat and I feel like we have died and gone to hell, Nat's husband Ben is probably feeling like he died and went to hell (he was a GREAT sport!).

All suited up...let's rock this...
Getting acquainted with our new friend. When I meet people I don't like them to rub my body down, especially in the belly region but whatever, it's what the dolphin's wanted. Me and the Dolphin having our one on one. It went really well.
Nat and I swimming out for our first ride.
Nat and her wedgie getting pushed by the dolphins...
Me and my wedgie getting pushed by the dolphins (best advise, do not enlarge this picture. Especially if you have young children present)
Just a little water fight with the dolphin

The finale, seriously, could me and Nat look more like 12 year olds? We were really that excited!

Now, we got all this for $99, but cherry on top. We also got plenty of laughs. There was a girl with us, probably around the 17-21 age range and she wound up having a total meltdown in the pool. Like, tears streaming down her face, body convulsing, jumping out of the pools, the whole bit. The trainer was killing us because he asked the dolphin, do you like this girl? And the dolphin nodded, then he asked, are you going to bite her and then the dolphin shook its head. Nat and I were hysterical. I just feel bad that they had to spend $300 to find out that their daughter has a fear of dolphins. I would suggest going to the beach, maybe para sailing next time.

Next, we had another mom and daughter combo that was beyond hilarious. The daughter was probably in her mid 40's and her mom was in her late 80's...seriously. About 3 minutes into it the 80 year old waif (honestly she maybe weighed 90 lbs sopping wet) gets out of the pool because she was too cold. Meanwhile, her daughter stayed in the pool with us and every time the dolphin came near her she would yell, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Look, it's me and the dolphin!" or "Look Mommy! Hey Mommy! I am going to ride the dolphin....weeeeee!!!" Meanwhile, this totally lethargic women with her swimsuit gaping open around the crotch region had no idea where she was or what she was doing. It was kind of sad (the mom), but mostly hilarious (the daughter). I am 25...and I gave up yelling to my mommy to watch me around 19 years ago. It's a shame that they had to pay $300 to find out the water was too cold, but selfishly I am so glad they came with us. It provided hours of entertainment for our family. I would suggest staying on the boat next time.

Lastly, we got to spend a few hours at the water park. Let me tell you, these Mexicans (side note, I am calling them Mexican's and not Hispanics because I saw about 15 shirts in Mexico that said I am not a Hispanic, I am a Mexican, so apparently that's what is PC there.) know how to have a water park. The regulations are SO different there. Some of the water slides didn't even have a 16 year old at the top telling you when to go...just go when you feel like it. America has got to get on board with this. They had this ride that would never fly in the US, it's called the Torbellino. Basically, you hop in this tiny shoot where you go Mach 90 down the shoot into a open bowl where your body spins around until you stop and go down a huge hole in the center which drops you into the pool. Hilarious. It's hard to explain, but check out this website for a visual http://www.splashvallarta.com/english/rides.html

Puerto Vallarta, thanks for making my wildest dreams come true!

Why oh Why?

2009-01-06T09:02:00.000-08:00

It has not stopped snowing in days...the winter depression is setting in....last night it took me 20 minutes to get out of my parking lot. I was sliding around everywhere, I am so glad that instead of buying new tires like they told me to I bought 6 pairs of designer jeans. That was oh so smart (I don't regret my decision, that's the bad news). Anyways, so as I am sliding around in the Passat getting so mad because it has taken me 30 minutes to go 10 blocks I decide to call my mom and here's our conversation:

Me: Mom, can you remind me why the hell I live here?
Mom: Oh, I have seen the weather! It looks horrible.
Me: It is, seriously what the hell am I doing here?
Mom: Well, it's where your job is. And you should feel lucky that you are one of the few Americans that has job security right now and that you are able to provide for yourself and still pay for your lifestyle.
Me: Oh....right.

Me- 0
Mom- 1

Suddenly the drive, the ice, the snow, the tires didn't seem so bad.

Mazatlan...it doesn't look like the pictures...

2009-01-05T15:49:00.000-08:00

Oh Mazatlan, what can we even say to you? My Dad decided to book an excursion not through the cruise ship over to stone island. Looked great in the pictures....hmmm....

We get off the boat to go meet our "tour guide" Pepe. He tells us to hang tight because he is trying to recruit some more people to come with us. Sounds shady. So he hooks us up with a free city tour from his friends. My Dad quickly made sure that this was not a timeshare presentation...which it wasn't. So we hopped in the "air conditioned vans". Now, apparently in Mexico they have a different idea of air conditioning. Apparently a small 2 person truck with 2x4's for seats and a canopy equals air conditioning. Cool, us Gildea's can go with the flow.
So here we are, driving around with our hair blowing in the wind (or air conditioning, tomatoe, tomato) through the streets of Mazatlan crying because we are laughing so hard when all the sudden our driver starts blasting music from the truck. Not just any music, the best of 90's techno. Folks if you don't know what I am talking about go ahead and google the following playlist, seriously priceless. Actually, if you could play them as you are reading this I think it will really set the mood:
-"What is Love" by Haddoway
-"Scatman" by Paul Scat
-"I'm too Sexy" by Right Said Fred
Like I said, priceless. Anyways...back to the air conditioned vans. So here we are driving around the city and we pull up to a shady looking dock. We hop on the catamaran where we hang for about an hour and we are off. About 3 hours into the excursion we are on the boat ride, here we are, one happy family sailing around the open sea. Well, I use the term open quite loosely because when it was all said and done the island we went to was about 1/4 from our cruise ship. I assume it's called Stone Island because you could literally through a stone to it, however this is just speculation. We could have swam there in about 20 minutes max.

Still laughing, we arrive at Stone Island to be loaded onto a tractor with about 20 2x4s attached to take us to the beach. We get there and its actually beautiful, things are looking up. Minus the fact that these 2 Mexicans are trying to get us to take pictures with the Iguana and this giant snake. Hello, when I say no I mean no. There was a language barrier obviously so finally i yelled at them and told them that if they brought it by me I was going to have them killed (I really hate snakes ok). That they understood, they walked away telling me I ruined their day and swearing at me in Spanish. Go ahead, I couldn't care less.

The excursion came with 2 activies included. Naturally, we were all interested in the water weenie until we saw the boat taking us. Yeah, a fishing boat. But I will tell you, it was powerful enough, and I don't think I have ever laughed that hard. Especially when my mom fell off and called us a bunch of jerks and was punching us and in doing so she knocked herself off again...anyone ever heard of karma? Yes, lifejackets were manditory...thank you for asking (I think I should become a photographer)

I am not really into animals, but while waiting for my water weanie ride we played with the sea creatures.
I use the term "we" pretty loosly. After several minor anxiety tack, 20 tries and my skin blotching we got this picture. Thank you.

Yes, lunch was included with the excursion and Father decided to get the band over to sing "La Cucaracha" I could be biased but I dare say its the best rendition ever played. I can't be sure but I think the swinging bass had something to do with it.

Last but not least we had to cash in on our last excursion and go horseback riding. Now, maybe it's just me but here I am waiting to ride the horse and I am imagining me in my swimsuit, basking in the sun, me and Sanchez the horse riding into the ocean. I know, very Bo Derek. Well it wasn't. First off we had to wear these ridiculous helmets and hop onto these nasty nasty horses that reeked and scared me (remember, I don't like animals). And once on them, we find out that "Wo" and the "Clicking Sounds" don't apply here. No, no they only know Spanish commands. Convenient seeing as how none of us speak Spanish. So off we go, alone with the horses. There was no ocean, there was no galloping (unless it did when it got spanked by the leader...scary). However, there was the most boring ride around the scariest part of town with horses that were malnourished who wouldn't stop eating people's plants. Mom's horse kept getting spanked, mine had a superiority complex and Nat's horse wouldn't stop ramming her into bushes and barbed wire. Have you ever been on one of those carousels outside of K-Mart? It was exactly like that...but scarier...like a lot scarier...At the end of the day we left there $300 poorer but I guarantee every single one of us would do it again. We have never laughed that hard. So you know what Mazatlan, it's ok if it didn't look like the pictures...

December, it came...it saw...it conquered

2008-12-30T15:46:00.000-08:00

Seriously, where did December go? I mean I guess with a robbery, Christmas parties, a cruise and Christmas...oh yep there it was. First things first, I saw this man at the airport when I picked up Natalie and I can't stop laughing about it. He was coming down the escalator and Nat and I made eye contact and I stayed with the kids while she "sneakily" but very very obviously took this picture (well 3 pictures to be exact). I know, it's too good to be true.Anyways, now that I have got that off my chest I can move on. A quick update on the robbery...well its still all gone. So yes, the lady cop was correct. I guess I am just SOL. So I have been working with the insurance company which has been a joke. Honestly, I know every time I talk to them that they assume I made the whole thing up. I still don't have a check to replace my items...still waiting. But, I did get a kick out of the fact that I finally got home yesterday and went through my mail and I had a letter from Met Life informing me that they were no longer interested in insureing me so as of Dec 28th my coverage is terminated. Well, alright then. Apparently if they actually have to pay out for your policy then it's over. Whatever.

Anyways, on to the fun stuff. On December 14th I went on an 8 day cruise with my family to the Mexican Riviera. Honestly, it could not have come at a better time. We had SO SO SO much fun! I mean who wouldn't love being with your great family, being waited on hand and food, eating delicious food and being in 80-90 degree weather. Where do I sign, I just wish that could be my life...someday...Does anyone know like a 90 year old EXTREMELY wealthy millionaire with bad health? No reason...

Here's some random pictures...but there are WAY more coming your way. I am going to highlight 2 days of our trip because honestly they were too good to be true. So watch for Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta, they get their very own because I have never laughed so hard in my entire life.

Just one with the ladies...

Some of the gents.

My parents belated Prom Picture....so cute!

The way my brother in law walked around Cabo...I feel like it did help us keep some of the whistle kids away from us. However, it didn't keep away the men carrying iguana's with sombrero's on...Most of the crew, as you can see we had quite a range in ages. My Grandpa and his new wife came along for the trip. And yes, you are seeing my dad wearing the "manpri's" again. This will not be the first or the last time any of us see those just to warn you...
My dad watching for pirates...I told him it looks creepy when he always has his binocs out but to each his own I guess. Isn't he cute?

Our last day on the ship...not ready to come home

My Dad showing us how it's done...

And this was us being so so sad that Kristine and Jordan didn't come. We missed you guys!

Alright....check again soon. I promise it will be worth your time. Now start singing....here we are now...entertain us....

Dear Santa...Dear Officer...Dear Bastard...

2008-12-09T11:08:00.000-08:00

I decided to get my Christmas list out a little early this year....just in case Santa was starting to read the blog to see what I wanted. Santa...this is what I am looking for:

-A new 30 G I-pod

-A new pair of Skull Candy earphones

-A new I-pod armband

-A new I-pod car charger

-A new laptop power cord

-A new navigation system

-A new navigation system car charger

-30 pairs of new earrings

-A new pair of real pearl earrings

-A new jewelry box

-3 new bottles of perfume

-A new DVD player

Now you might be wondering, "Man this is quite a list Kate...why so needy this year?" You are a hard working single gal who makes a decent honest wage...don't you already have these things? Well let me tell you, some ass hole came and robbed my house yesterday. So Santa, please replace these items. I assume they can mostly be found at a Pawn Shop in Wendover right as we speak, while you are at it check Rock Springs WY as well (if you have time!) And no, I am not sure on the serial numbers on those items so as the "Lady Cop" told me yesterday, I probably am SOL... I appreciate the honesty.

So, let's rewind and start from the beginning. Lisa called me freaking out yesterday saying that she thought the house had been robbed. When she came home from work yesterday our door looked like this:

I had no idea you can just kick through a deadbolt and then peal off the side of the door and then throw it down the stairs. That's what I love, I am 25 and still learning so much.

So I told her to call the police and left work right then. When I got home it was really nice to see your house in topsy turvey. It really looked like a Lifetime movie set...and not in a good way (seriously, who doesn't love television for women?) Oh, and in case you don't really know me very well. My room is always SPOTLESS. I make my bed everyday, I never leave anything out. Do you like what I have done with the place? I think I have a future in Interior Design? What do you think? I hate playing favorites, but I did really love the thought of someone digging out my underwear drawer and throwing undies and bra's everywhere. Not only did you touch it, I had to look at it and clean it up...oh and luckily the 4 policeman and detectives got to look at it and photograph it too. Love that. Oh, and I love that you looked under my mattress, dug through my sheets and pillows. I hope your hands were clean! Don't forget a drawer...make sure you get into every single one...I would hate for you to miss something!They also went through every bag I own including the DI Bags (as shown) my scripture bag, temple bag, every purse and every piece of luggage in my room. I did laugh though because they stole the gum and lip gloss out of my scripture bag. Really, you couldn't leave the the damn Orbit? There were a couple boxes in there too...and naturally every single one was opened and dug through.

You can't really tell in this picture but the picture frames are all over and look at my poor little Giraffe tipped over. Not documented were the dirty footprint all over the house. I loved looking at those throughout the house, especially when they were all over my room next to my bed. Thanks for not even wiping off your feet you Ass Hat.

So long farewell....one of 3 DVD players that were stolen.
And this is what my room mate Jamie's room looked like after everything. Took all her bedding off, cleaned out her drawers and took apart the bookshelf to make stealing everything easier.

Naturally we were all pretty devastated and upset about the whole thing. And just when you think it can't get any worse...it does. This morning while getting ready for work I hear Jamie scream and start to cry. Luckily I can hear her since I don't have an i-pod to listen to. Lucky me. So I run out to hear her on the phone with her Mom saying that her spare key was stolen and those bastards came back last night and STOLE HER CAR! Seriously? So we got to spend the morning with the cops again and luckily in the 22 years he has working for the SLPD he has never seen anything like this, he has never seen them come back. Lucky us, I love being a trend setter! And I just love the fact that I cried myself to sleep sometime around 12:45 and when my room mate got home around 1:30 the car had been stolen. I guess they were just waiting for my light to turn off, that was so thoughtful.

Really, it could have been so much worse and I just keep trying to remember that. I am just so thankful no one was home and that they only got to 3 of us....oddly enough they only got to the 3 of us that have renters insurance. And the real kicker, I just added renters insurance to my policy, which went into effect at 12:01 am on December 8th....as in yesterday. Seriously, the silver lining.

When factoring in the lap tops, i pods, digital cameras, jewelry, web cams, DVD players a F150 truck...we are down over $30,000 at this point. Well, and if you count the Oribit its closer to $30,001. Terrific.

I asked the cop if there was a way to notify the other robbers out there that we had already been cleaned out, he offered no suggestions. But I am curious dear readers, do any of you have any spare lambs? In the 10 commandements I remember they were instructed to paint their door frames with lambs blood for "the green smoke" (ok, caught me I only remember the movie version, I can't remember what the green smoke meant. But it was something bad...) to pass so I figure now is as a great time to follow the prophets. Right? So about that lamb...

So robber, I would like to thank you for adding a little spice to our holiday season. We really appreciate it. And truth be told, if you burn in hell I will be ok with that (you can probably use my navigation system to find the way, I would offer to help but...). Merry Christmas to you too.

Thank you...scary black man....

2008-12-04T11:27:00.001-08:00

I am in Vegas for work this week and I was on my way to lunch passing the porn dealers, VIP pass pushers and every other dealer and pusher in town. I was in mid conversation with my friend Sam when I was approached by Scary Black Man (SBM) and it went a little something like this:

SBM: Hey ladies, you wanna have a good time tonight?
Me: Ignore him...maybe he will go away?
SBM: I got all the passes you need, where do you want to go tonight?
Me: No thanks.
SBM: No Dance Clubs?
Me: No, not tonight?
SBM: What? You scared? Don't be embarrassed little white girl, I'll teach you...

Don't be scared? I was. Don't be embarrassed? I'm not. Although I do appreciate the racial stereotype that because I am white I can't dance, he obviously does not know that my Mom passed down quite a bit of rhythm to me. In addition, the only thing that would be scary and embarrassing to me would be showing up at one of these clubs with SBM....

I do appreciate the offer SBM. But, thanks, but no thanks.

Black Friday...

2008-11-27T21:28:00.000-08:00

To add to the fun of your "Black Friday" experience I thought you all might want this little BINGO board to spice it up. If you want a guaranteed blackout I would suggest visiting the following Walmart's:

-The one on 13th south in SLC
-The one in Hanford CA
-The one in Elk Grove

Homeless...Homeless...like the Christchild...

2008-11-19T14:59:00.000-08:00

When I lived in Logan I hardly ever had any interaction with homeless people, I hardly ever saw them. So when I used to visit Salt Lake I would always be passing out money to the homeless because I felt so bad for them. Don't get me wrong, I still feel bad for them. I think its awful and very very sad, but I usually see at least 10 a day so the novelty has kind of warn off for me. They are everywhere, grocery stores, the library, the movies, restaurants, one even cornered Lisa at the teller window at the bank last week. How are you going to say you have no money when you are at the bank....very sneaky. Like I said, everywhere. So Lisa just called me about her latest interaction with the homeless. Can you tell she was a Social Work major?

Homeless man: Can you spare a dollar or 2 for a subway sandwich
Lisa: You are eating at Subway?
HM: Hopefully.
Lisa: Why don't you have any money?
HM: Because I don't have a job.
Lisa: Why don't you have a job?
HM: Because I got fired.
Lisa: Why don't you have a new job?
HM: I have been looking.

Lisa then felt bad for making him feel stupid and tossed him a dollar and said,
Lisa: You promise you are going to use this for Subway?
HM: I hope to, it will depend on how much more money I can get.

Fashion...

2008-11-11T13:50:00.000-08:00

Let me just tell you, I love clothes. I love shopping for them, wearing them, noticing other people's clothes, getting complimented on clothes...you get the idea. Well, I mostly like it when people notice my outfits because they think they are fashionable or cute. Not when it's the following reasons:

Today I was at Walmart returning some things and I had on what I thought was a pretty cute outfit. A black pencil skirt and a tucked in blue and white button down that ties in the front (I promise I am getting somewhere with this). So we start talking and the convo goes like this:

Hispanic Walmart Lady: I like your outfit
Me: Thanks
HWL: What airline do you work for?
Me: What's that?
HWL: What airline do you work for?
Me: Oh I work for USU
HWL: Oh, your outfit looks like a flight attendants.....
I was getting a coke last year around Halloween at a Gas Station and I had another pretty funny convo with the cashier. This involved a white button down.
Cashier: I love your shirt
Me: Thank you
Cashier: Seriously, it is so cute where did you get it?
Me: To be honest, I got it a couple years ago so I don't remember. But I kind of think its from Target or something.
Cashier: I will have to go look because it looks likes just like this shirt I want for me pirate costume....
So next time you see me, please don't be worried if I greet you with an, "Arr me matey." Or if I offer you peanuts, biscoff cookies or peanut butter crackers, ask you to put your chair in the upright position or kindly show you your exits (don't forget, sometimes the nearest exit is behind you). It's not me talking...it's the clothing.

Pretty Pleased...

2008-10-31T22:26:00.000-07:00

This year for Halloween I was Margot Tenenbaum. No one got it...but it didn't matter to me. I was that happy with my costume. Like Jason said, it was kind of fun because only "the cool people" got my costume. True. So for those of you that fall under that catagory, congrats. For those who don't, here's a picture of who I was supposed to be...All day everyone kept asking me who I was supposed to be, and then cute little MJ Tran asked me if I was dressed up. And then she claims that she has seen me waltzing around campus in my fur coat. Sorry Tran, never happened. Yeah, I think I really outdid myself again this year....

When Daddy-O Comes to Town...

2008-10-30T14:42:00.001-07:00

My Dad was in town all last week "for a DR's visit" since apparently they don't have DR's in California. Imagine that. But we had such a great visit, we got Ol' Daddy-O all to ourselves for 6 days! To be honest, I can't remember the last time I got to spend 1-1 time with my Dad because every time I see him everyone is home for the holiday's and let's be honest I can not compete with the grand kids. We had such a fun time and here are some of my favorites:

-The Valley Center Playhouse. How could we miss seeing a Halloween Production at VCPH when he's in town? Thank you Hotel Frankenstein...my abs are still recovering from the terrible acting, bad sound effects, smelly chairs, and the horrible costumes! Love it.

-We also went to the Body World Exhibit Downtown. I am not going to go on and on about it but if you have not gone to this exhibit you need to go! It was absolutely amazing and I promise you are not going to be grossed out or weirded out. Trust me, do you remember what happened last time I got my blood taken? Hello I am 25 and I passed out. So if I can handle it I PROMISE you can.

-Mi Ranchito, Crown Burger and a little Taco Shop. At the Taco Shop we met my grandparents and my Uncle Matt and his...girlfriend?(not sure the status there) Anyways, my grandparents lack some tact at times and they kept referring to my Uncle Matt (while he is sitting there) as the "Black Sheep" of the family to which he just raised the roof. So yeah...

-Several trips to Ross, TJ Max and Gen-X Clothing. He did find the above "Big Lebowski" shirt for himself along with a "My-Space Stalker" T-shirt. Creepy? Yes. Funny, absolutely. Then he found this little treasure for Hannah, I must say I think it's one of his best finds:

No the mustard yellow hoodie is his. But this "Fallen Angel" shirt equipped with white trash tattooed scary man with angel wings and a clown face (naturally) belongs to you Hannah. To be honest I just don't feel like this picture even does it justice. He did get me a fantastic shirt as well...picture pending. And he was able to find this Annalee for my mom. He always makes fun of all of us because my mom always holds her hand out like this and apparently we ALL do it now.
We did have some fantastic times equipped with lots and lots and lots of laughing and joking and some great chats! I sure love you Dad, thanks for making the time to visit the "DR" and I can't wait for your next "appointment"

The Latest, The Greatest

2008-10-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I have been a little behind due to a sinus infection and a very, VERY exciting work trip to glorious Idaho. Oh yes, Burley, Idaho Falls and Pocatello baby! Man, I sure love my job. But, I thought I should update you on the latest and greatest.

I did just get back last week from Portland for work again. It has become a little tradition that my Mom flies to wherever I am and meets up with me once a year to keep me company which is SO fun. We have been to Phoenix, Seattle and this was our second time to Portland. Since we had already done a lot of the "touristy" things in Portland we really just spent the majority of our time shopping, eating, shopping and more eating. If anyone is going to Portland and is looking for a GREAT fish and chips place please let me know....Here we are waiting for the train on one of MANY occasions. I have never thought my Mom and I look very much alike, apparently we do because everyone kept asking if we were sisters which probably should hurt my feelings seeing as how she is in her 50's but she looks good! At this huge outdoor market last year my Mom found these Japanese lamps that are completely made of paper and she wanted them so bad and decided to not to buy them. So instead we got to go back to the market this year and luckily after traipsing around looking for them we found them!My Dad sent my Mom with a sealed bag that we were to open upon arrival to our hotel. He bought us these flannel shirts so we would "fit it in Portland" Once again, great find at TJ Maxx Dad, we loved it...and yes Portland we noticed that you really like to dress for comfort...When asked what face Jules was making she said..."I wanted to look butch..." Well, mission accomplished once more...Thanks for a great trip Mom, I had a blast!

Last weekend I was treated to a very special birthday gift from Nick and Katie Jo....yes my birthday was back in February but what better way to celebrate your 25.75 birthday! No, I am not a Reba fan, no I am not a Kelly fan, did I have a FANTASTIC time yes! It was awesome sitting in between Nick and Katie Jo, it was like surround sound because between the two of them they have seen "Reebs" 12 times. And Nick, I don't care what they say. You sing "Fancy" way better than Reebs...carry on my friend...carry on.

Me and Kelly, yes you are seeing this right we were on the very front row on the side. Prime spot for a DEVOTE fan like myself...Tara was this before or after you teared up with Kelly?Thanks for the best 25.75 birthday, I couldn't have been luckier! I just can't wait to see what you all have in store for 26.75....the skies are the limits...

Take me out to the....circus

2008-10-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am 100% serious on this one. I LOVE the circus. I love everything about it. I love Peta, $9 snow-cones, every Hispanic in the state of Utah under the same roof, the weird clowns, the animals...seriously I love everything about the circus. So naturally, when I found out that Barnum and Bailey "The Greatest Show on Earth" would be stopping SLC again this year of course I was there opening night.

As a kid, I remember being quite scared of the circus because my Great Grandmas Lila would always act like the circus was the scariest most evil organization on the planet. It's probably because her brother ditched the family and joined the circus as a kid and was never heard from again....and as anyone in my family will tell you, "She swore she would NEVER do something like that to her family." So, the circus was never really something I was super involved with...until last year when I decided to go and support a new organization Jason Sanders put together "C.A.P.T"...Clowns Are People Too. You know, for the ethical treatment of clowns. He and his groupies dressed up as clowns with picket signs and all. Naturally, I didn't want to miss out on this...but since we beat them down there we got sucked into the lights, the animals, the creeps and before we knew it we were in line to purchase tickets. This has now become and annual event I will be looking forward to. Christin and MJ...you were terribly missed! Maybe next year.

Some of my favorite things from the circus this year:
-The Energy Solutions Arena uses the term "Vision Obstruction" quite loosely. What they meant to say is anything that is not happening on the floor you will not be able to see at all.
-The Lion Trainer was not so impressive when you can see the stage crew dressed in black poking the tiger when its supposed to get down off the podium. And what language are they speaking anyways, I swear its not even real words.
-The scary ball of death. Instead of one motorcyclist, they had 7. I had a sever anxiety attack but it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
-The contortionists, I don't even know what to say both those things are about as freaky as they come. But it's like a train wreck, you can't look away.
-The scary PETA people that asked me to "Change my mind" while I am walking in. Yeah after booking it downtown I am not going to turn around and go home. Sorry PETA, the guilt tactic doesn't work on me. But I did appreciate the paper inform me about The Cruelest Show on Earth.

I let PETA ruin the show for me last year, several times I felt so guilty watching the little elephants that I could hardly enjoy myself. I didn't let that happen this year because when that little elephant came skipping out from behind the curtain I swear I saw it give a little smile.

Groundhog no more...

2008-09-24T13:21:00.001-07:00

Kate+Fall+High Schools=Groundhog Day...until....

If this crummy weather didn't give away the fact that fall is apparently upon us possibly the fact that I feel like I am caught in the movie Groundhog Day lets me know fall is definitely here. As a college recruiter, my main responsibilities include getting up at the butt crack of dawn, driving here there and everywhere and entertaining high school seniors for 2.5 hour daily. Awesome. As you can imagine...it can get a little monotonous at times. Sometimes I am up there reciting my same presentation and recycled jokes about the cheese factory or how "it's a building year for our football team" and I wonder what I am even saying. I have given my presentation about 300 times so sometimes I just rattle off and I completely forget what I am talking about. Folks, I could do this presentation in my sleep. Not every day is the same, I mean its always a different high school, I see different gothic kids, different skanky girls, I witness pathetic high school flirting in a different way...so yeah it's totally different each day. But all in all, its the same gig day after day after day....after day. Well, it was until last week that is.

Last week while visiting Weber High School, Jessica Simpson decided to pay Weber High a little visit. They won a competition from K-Bull 93 with which high school could send the most texts during school hours...weird I know...but yes Weber did win by over 20,000 texts. I don't know why NO ONE let me know about this. Hello, I am OBSESSED with celebrities. So that's why this post is so late...I didn't even have my camera but luckily Wes one of their high school councilors hooked me up with these pics. So let me tell you the whole story.

I found out from a very reliable source what time she would be arriving at the high school...police and all. So naturally, I ditched the ambassadors I was with leaving them to deal with the cart full of materials. I did not want that getting in the way of me and Jess. Once I made it through the hallways crammed full of smelly teenagers I was stopped by the police. No one was allowed through...until I pulled the old, "Oh hi officer, I'm just here for college day and i need to drop off these materials?" I felt like what the FBI must feel like when they get to show off their badge and do what they want. It was finally my turn. After promising the officer that I would be right back (which I knew I wouldn't be) I was in on my way. On my way to this...Yep, here she is. Dog, stylist, personal assistant, label executive and all. She was pretty funny, she didn't talk much. She probably felt awkward because there was like 25 of us in there and no one said anything. We just stood there gawking at her....kind of like the time I saw Ryan Seacrest when we were in the revolving door at the Belagio. Just stood there gawking at him until he winked at me. Never wink at me again Ryan.After a quick wardrobe, a trip to the bathroom and eating some school lunch she was pretty much on her way. All this commotion...for pretty much nothing. But I didn't even care, I was freaking out laughing and gawking like a fool and if given the chance I would do it again. I have only one complaint, in a perfect world I would have been with other people that are obsessed with celebrities. Most people didn't really care and looked at me like I was retarded when I was blushing and hopping up and down like a child. So, in a dream world I would have had the following individuals with me (in no particular order):

-Nick Robbins, he loves celebrities and would have gotten in on the action
-My sister Natalie, probably doesn't care about Jess Simpson but would have joined in the jumping up and down and laughing
-Dane Mullinax. We went to high school together and I have talked to him maybe twice since graduation in 2001 but the whole time I kept thinking, "Man, I wish Dane was here. He would be loving this." So there you go Dane, I don't think you even read my blog but just so you know I was even tempted to call you about this whole thing but then decided that would be way too random and awkward. But I did think about it...

After seeing all this fuss about a stupid celebrity like Jessica Simpson it really made me realize how much I hope to be one some day. Someone, get me an in. I wanna be famous, just like Jess. But until then, you know where to find me. Back at the ol' high schools giving presentations day after day after day...

Welcome to the Valley Center Playhouse!

2008-09-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

*Disclaimer...if you did not grow up in Orem, attend a performance at Valley Center Playhouse, or taken acting lessons from VCPH then this might not be funny to you. If you have....this might induce a flood of memories that might force you to pee a little*Yep, there she be. The old Valley Center Playhouse. For those of you that have never been to this blessed display of the worst community theater imaginable you are missing out! This is like a part of my childhood! Not only did I grow up taking acting lessons from this place (I really think that deserves its own BLOG entry...don't worry I still am perfecting the mime after all these years) but I also spent many a family nights, birthdays and holidays at this place. Who would want to miss The Best Christmas Pageant Ever or Hotel Frankenstein (I think we all remember when Wade Preston was in that one) around the holidays? Not this one.

As some background to this place, it is owned by The Renstrom's that lived in my families neighborhood. Keith Renstrom is a WWII vet who dresses up in his army gear on The 4th of July and shoots a cannon up and down the streets. He is quite patriotic. Jodi Renstrom is his wife whos heart and soul belongs in the theater...hence the beginnings of The Valley Center Playhouse. I remember them driving a red truck with a camper on back every Monday, Friday and Saturday's up to the VCPH...you always knew it was showtime.

So at my sister's wedding in March, there was a group of us that still live in Utah from the original neighborhood and we started talking about our favorite VCPH memories and we decided that we were going to go sometime...and that sometime came on Monday night. Just to let you know, I don't know if I have ever laughed that hard in my life. I was reduced to tears 3 times during the performance. Here's some highlights from the night:

-The smell, still smells like a mix of cat pee and body odor....

-The Senior Citizen bus doing a drop off in front of VCPH

-The costumes, they still don't match or fit

-The horrible acting

-The worst lights and sound (Heather did get The Best Lights and Sounds when she volunteered there....)

-The seats that I am sure have flees, I was careful to wash up when I got home

-The little girl in the show that looks way too much like one of my little cousins who will remain nameless. I love the butt tight overalls equipped with TPL (tight panty line) and stains on the butt

-Melanie taking these pictures of "Aunt Flo" (who I swear had been doing some drinking prior to the show) in the middle of the performance. I tried talking to her afterwards and she clearly keeps all of her personality for the stage.

-Aunt Flo's "wig" in the show that was apparently her own hair

-Getting stink eye from the older ladies as we were leaving. Apparently they didn't appreciate us laughing at the parts that were not funny to anyone else.

-Seeing a fellow 2001 T-wolf in the play. Why is he 25 and still doing this weird community theater? I have no idea

-The dad in the show who was the WORST actor...and had a pedophile hair cut.

-The play itself, Rockrollers and Pancakes. I mean the acting was bad, but in their defense they didn't have much to work with here.

Yeah, they have not remoddled this place in the 20 years I have been going. Chrissy (daughter of VCPH alumni parents), Melanie (sister and daughter of VCPH alumni), Heather (Best Lights and Sound) Kristine (Actor, Cruise of Love 2003)

I think I realized I was much taller than everyone else so I came up with this pose. I don't have to go to the bathroom, I am just surrounded by short folks.

If you have never been to the VCPH, you must go. Since the Renstroms were not there the night of the show we did have to pay, but seriously, it was the best $6 I have ever spent in my entire life. It is some good, quality, hilarious family fun. I am really considering buying a season pass...since I will be going to Hotel Frankenstein with my dad when he comes and Nat...can we mark you down to come to Best Christmas Pageant ever? So don't just sit there, get to Valley Center Playhouse, you'll be glad you did...

Lagoon...a Fair...Karaoke...Oh My...

2008-09-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

Let's document this weekend shall we?I went to Lagoon with this kid (Casey)Went to the Avenue's Art Show with this gal (Lisa)And celebrated this little guy's 28th birthday (Nick aka Honey Bucket)

So let's start right at the beginning, before we go any further let me just tell you. I LOVE LAGOON, and I don't care what anyone else says. It really is one of my favorite places in the world, quality ride....less than quality people...hello what more could you want. It was Casey's work party...along with some other places like Western Watts...oh yeah there was quality people oozing out of the woodwork. I saw a guy who had, 3 earrings per ear, nose pierce (bull style), lip, and both eyebrows. Yeah, 10 piercings just on the face...I wonder if he has any more...Has anyone else never noticed the name of this plane on The Flying Ace?I decided this would be a great picture...on the space scramblerCasey finally got me to ride the ride that's on a Ferris wheel thing with individual cages. It's nice to know that not only does my muffin top need some work apparently my thighs do as well. It took the little 15 year old like 5 minutes and nearly a broken finger to try and close our cage (which we appreciated...sorry for the wait everyone) and the lap belt bruised my legs and I lost all feeling in them for the duration of the ride...once again painful but worth it just for this picture...pretty creepy

But what can I say...I LOVE LAGOON! (And yes, Nat I am all set to go for next summer!)Now on to the Art's Festival! Kind of sad, but this is the only thing I bought...and it was worth ever penny. My only regret is that I didn't go for the $5 version instead of the $3. My muffin top thanks me for that...but my taste buds are still sad about it. The art festival bring a different crowd too, way different from lagoon but I think I was the only girl there that didn't show up bra less, in a Subaru with 3 Siberian Huskies. But, we still had a great time. Lisa and I both fell for the cardboard cut out EVERY TIME! Now looking at the picture you can totally tell it cardboard so the picture is not nearly as cool as we thought it would be. We just went to the tent to get some free face painting (I know, I know, I'm not 12 but I just really wanted it) but we got pinched out of line by about 12 Hispanic high school kids...so we just left empty handed (well and empty faced for that matter). Why we didn't say anything to these 15 year old's to get our spot back? We are still trying to figure that out...By far my favorite part of the fair...this women is wearing a bra...she was also wearing a shirt until about 3 seconds before this photo was taken. I mean it was warm out..but not hot enough to take off your shirt in the middle of the street while dancing to some local band. In a perfect world I would have gotten a photo with her shirt on, taking it off, and this but sorry. No perfect world here.

And last but not least....the Karaoke Bar for Nick's birthday. It was my first time in Gino's...a private club for members...and I will definitely be heading back. Once my black lung clears up and I am not relying on the ol' inhaler for daily use. But let me just summarize some little snippets of the night:

-You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette is not really something that I have ever thought of as a song to get down to...but the trio of freakers loved every minute of it
-I never knew that Meredith's Brooks, "I'm a Bitch" was something that was romantic or a dance to slow dance to..
-I would also like to thank that little Latin gal in the tube top for providing hours of entertainment by allowing us to watch you for hours while you attempted body rolls in the mirror
-"With or Without You by U2" is one of my least favorite songs...and when Mr Drunk and Tone Deaf sings, it makes life pretty unbearable.
-That Alvin and the Chipmunks or that awful trio should never sing "LOVESHACK" ever again. My ears are still ringing.
-The only thing worse that Melissa Etherage's song "Come to my Window" is the girl attempting to sound like Melissa Etherage while karaokeing "Come to my Window"
-If you weight upwards of 350+ lbs and are still insisting on using an air guitar during instrumental parts of the song...please don't sing "Every Rose Has it's Thorn" unless you remind me to bring some Depends.

But, I think that Nick and I did a pretty decent rendition of "Rocketman" by Elton John..and as you can see from the action shot we were pretty into it. Romantic glances at each other when he talks about missing his wife, my hair flying in the wind...Nick's hand mid air...who knew we was so in to Karaoke?

And lastly, I think that this little guys did one of the best Karaoke's of the night (his 3rd mind you). "America" by Neil Diamond has never been sung so good...even though you were a little on the intoxicated side and fell (twice) attempting to do this knee drop, I think it was worth it. It looked good...real good.

Adam and Eve

2008-09-08T10:35:00.000-07:00

I got this in my email today...and I have been laughing at my desk ever since. Thank you Christin for another VERY successful forward...and for showing me my life on video....

Raging Waters Update...

2008-09-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

So I debated on not posting about this because I thought it had lost its humor, but I am still laughing about it so I figured what the heck. On Saturday a group of friends and I decided to send summer off with a bang by attending one of the very last days at Raging Waters. I have not been to a water park (minus Lagoona Beach...love it) for quite some time and I must say it beats you up a lot more than I remember. Like, as I child I don't remember having to take Tylenol the next day because you are so sore you feel like you can not move. But, I must say it was well worth it.

We had 5 grown adults that attended the festivities...no children as usual. We decided to get there nice and early, you know beat the crowd. We were there right at 10 for the door busting. Here's some of the highlights of the trip:

-Katie Jo falling off her tube EVERY SINGLE TIME, and usually it would be during the last 5 seconds of the ride so I was able to watch it EVERY SINGLE TIME
-Katie Jo breaking 3 of her toes on one of the slides, but pushed forward and gimped around the park for the rest of the day
-Casey getting pushed down the slide so hard that he scratched up the top of his foot thanks to hitting the bottom of the 9 foot pool
-Lisa's goose egg on her head thanks to falling off the tube during the double tube (word to the wise, 2 adults don't work well on the double tubes at our age)
-All 5 of us are college grads with jobs and we were all too cheap to rent a tube so we went down the lazy river and did the wave pool 7 times without tubes
-Me jamming my bunion foot into a cement wall
-Lisa and I chickening out and almost had to get off the Toboggan ride because we got too scared
But one of my all time favorite parts of the day was this ride we called the magic carpet ride. Its one that has handles and you lay on your stomach and go head first. I was really hesitant about the ride seeing as how you go face first but after watching a few times Lisa and I decided to give it a whirl. Right before we start headed up I decided to double check with the 10 year old girl as she softly glided across the water to make sure we were safe. "Hey...little girl. Is this ride pretty scary...does it hurt...are we going to be alright." Oh yeah, sure thing, no worries she says. So we head up and I watch Lisa go down and it doesn't look quite like it did when the little Miss 10 went but there was no backing out at this point...was I really going to walk my booty back down? Heavens no. So....off I went. Now, to paint a diagram of what it looked like you started high...dip down....go up...dip down and into the water. I started going...and it is a lot faster than i thought. To the point that I literally catch air. Now, if you have ever seen me you will know this but if you had to guess what part of my body took the brunt of the impact I would tell you it was my boobs. Like, my entire body weight...bam. Then I still have one more dip and we have the same story. Minus the fact that I started to turn so I landed on only one boob the second time around. It's nice to know what I am up against when I decide to get the mammogram. Its nice to go through the process and not have to worry about getting the results. I would highly suggest doing it this way...much easier.

And apparently I weigh a little bit more than Miss 10 so there was no graceful finish to this horrific ride. As I am going Mach 90 down there with my eyes and mouth full of water I look up to see a line of around 50 people waiting in line. Now its hard to say if I saw the people before or after my swim bottoms were ripped off my body all the way off my entire butt because of how fast I hit the water...like I said its hard to say.

Here's some pictures of happier times....

But all in all I would say I would give my experience at Raging Waters an A+. Thank you Raging Waters...thank you.

Sweet Baby Boa

2008-08-29T09:07:00.001-07:00

This is how I felt about the note I came home to last night. On a side note is it just me or have the bags under my eyes gotten a little out of control. Man, they are sure indented and dark...ew...anyways back to the story.

Lost Snake

$20 Reward

Jenn or Trevor

Red Tail Boa

Baby!

Is it just me or is ignorance bliss? I don't want to even know that your sweet little baby boa has gotten out of its cage and slithered to heaven only knows where. Is it in my house? I live only 3 doors down...is it in my shoes, bed, closet, purse, cereal box...where could she be? These people have no idea who they are dealing with. Like if I see this "sweet baby boa" am I really going to say, "Oh there you are you cute little red tail. I have been looking everywhere for you. Let me go fetch a mason jar and you slither that cute little body in and I will take you home. By the way, have I ever mentioned how that red tail really compliments that cute little pink tongue?"

Yeah, Jenn and Trevor, hate to break it to you but if I find that little thing slithering around I will probably do what my Great Grandma Lila told me to do. Just chop it to pieces with a shovel. If it works for her it works for me. But good luck trying to find that little red tail. What a cutie. These people have no idea what they are doing with. If I do find that little thing, expect to see a bill for some serious therapy (and not from Michael at the massage school, he specializes in personality profiling only.)

-This fear is a family trait...and my sister Nat just had an experience with a creep, check it out at benatriley.blogspot.com

Weekend Wrap-up

2008-08-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

I had the strangest weekend here in SLC so I decided that I should BLOG about it in its entirety so get ready, get set, because here we go.

Friday: I have been getting the WORST back aches since the move (can't imagine why) so I decided to treat myself to a massage. Ang came up and we were on our way. We had an appointment for one girl and one man, that's all that was left. Naturally as luck would have it, I ended up with Michael. So I get in there, and you know lay face down on the table. He comes in and starts the massage and he is telling me that my back is really tight, thanks for the info Michael I had no idea. So we start chatting, which drives me crazy, its a massage for heavens sake. I just want to listen to the monks chanting. He starts talking about how I put all my stresses in my back, which is not a shock but the rest of what he told me about myself was quite insightful:

-I am only nice to people to manipulate people into giving me what I want
-I have so much bottled up anger, I need to learn to let it go
-That I am friendly to people to hide my insecurities
-I lack confidence in myself

It's always nice to get a COMPLETE personality profile free of charge from someone that has spent a whole 3 seconds with you, and when you are butt naked. Awesome. Naturally, I was playing it up...I just love egging people like that on. I kept saying, you are so right, how did you know this about me, I need to work on that...Everything made a lot more sense when I found out that he was a Shaman in training. Do yourself a favor and read my friend Christin's BLOG about her trip to the Shaman http://howtallryou.blogspot.com/, its under SAY WHAT?

Saturday: We were walking out of Smith's and the sweetest homeless lady asked for a dollar. Neither of us had cash so we politely told her, sorry no. The lady behind us was asked the same question and said to the homeless lady, "I am going to kick you in the face." Lisa and I just sat there dumbfounded.

Sunday: First day in the ward, always a treat. They asked me to give the closing prayer so they announce my name over the pulpit. Half way through the closing song, the little refugee kid gets up and sits on the stand. I ask my friend Steve what I should do, he tells me he does it every week. I don't know any different so I start charging to the front and as I am about half way there, Mr Refugee starts praying....so I just grabbed a seat. Thank you Steve, no Mr Refugee doesn't do that every week...noted.

And last but not least, we had an open mic during RS and Priesthood. AKA one of my favorite things on the planet. Most people are talking about the BOM or cool spiritual experiences. Well they all were doing that until this hilarious kid, maybe not all there, not quite sure (maybe I should ask Michael) gets up and starts talking about this book that his mom gave him(which he had in hand) called I Lost my Number, Can I have Yours? He then starts talking the book, telling boys that they can borrow it, and talking about the pick up lines in the back. Like I said before, I was egging it on. I love stuff like this. After church, Lisa and I went for a walk at Liberty Park and I kid you not, this man drove up on his bike and yells to us, "I Lost my number....can I have yours." Man, birds of a feather....

But if anyone asks...we still really like it here....

U-Haul...We-Haul

2008-08-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official. I am all moved out of Logan and residing in Salt Lake. Can I just tell you how much I hate moving...especially the hauling of the boxes. Honestly, let's not just narrow it down to hauling boxes, let's just say I hate manual labor in general. I must say though, you should all be pretty impressed because besides 2 things, Lisa and I completely packed the U-haul all by ourselves. Thanks to Trent and Eric who suggested we call the missionaries for help. Maybe next move. We did have some help with the unloading, thanks Jordan, Kristine and Ansen. Actually, next time I have already decided that I will be paying someone. Before we started loading the U-haul we had to return the bed's Katie Jo had so graciously lent to us for the year. We decided that we didn't want to take them apart to take them back...it would take too long we decided. It would be so much faster to just leave them together. So after breaking our backs, shoulders, scraping the paint off the walls and banisters, maneuvering it out of the door, loading it into the u-haul, and carrying it into Katie's backyard it was nice to realize at that point we would have to take it apart to get it into her house. Awesome. But our spirits were high thanks to the 44 oz Diet Coke so we just sat in the back and sang and took apart the bed.
I am not exactly sure who was driving this truck before us, but it smelt like the love child of a chain smoker and Mr. Clean. It smelt like Lemon Pine Sol mixed with tobacco or if you need a visual it smelt like the Best Western I stayed at in Delta...use your imagination folks. And, they left these behindBefore we left, we were trying to eat all our leftovers and I am not sure if it was the fumes, the lack of sleep, the amount of caffeine running through our veins or what, but we could not stop laughing. We had packed EVERYTHING from the kitchen so I ate my pizza off a plastic cutting board that we found in the dishwasher, And Lisa was able to find the back of the Time Magazine to use. Yes Sassers, you are seeing a Spice Pack...
This was upon our return after the LONGEST day of my life. We really were that excited to be done...well I guess we were also excited about the thought of heading to Beto's to celebrate the move...which we did.
It was really nice to be able to clean up the house for the new girls, the house we moved out of was a complete disaster. Remember the kitchen remodel? I do. I am so happy to be out of that house that smelt constantly like a mix of grandma, butt and feet. Or as we called it, home sweet home.
I did find this godsend while dejunking the house. Whoever lived there before us who was a CNA, RN or possibly a dental hygienist, thank you for leaving these gloves behind. They made cleaning doable.
And for punishing you by making you look at all those disgusting pictures I thought I would treat you to one after we got cleaned up. What we have liked about SL so far:
-Our new house
-The helpful guy at Home Depot who has helped us out twice since Saturday
-The cute little Thai married couple who did our pedicures
-Our new Gold's Gym membership
-The Smith's around the corner

What we have not liked about SL so far:
-The weird girl at the checkout at Walmart that asked if me and Lisa were a couple, just because we were standing there separate and paying separate. I can see the confusion there.
-The lack of finding a gas station with fresh limes for you Diet Coke (come on, we need a Mooch's replacement!)
-Lockind our doors. Lisa and I sometimes left our door open at night, apparently our room mates are not down with that.

But, if anyone asks. We like it here.

Things That Must Go....August Style

2008-08-11T14:14:00.000-07:00

I would like to apologize for my absence...but when the Olympics are on I have no time for blogging. But as always, I have kept a list of things that have been bothering me for the last month. So here you have it, things that must go August style:

1-Tank Tops 4 Men: It's summer, I know...I know....it's hot. Trust me, I get it. I am sporting about 3 layers these days and sometimes I wonder if I have landed on the sun because its so hot. But just because it's hot I just don't see why men need to air out their hairy arm pits. If I can handle the 5 inches of fabric that extends over and heats up my shoulders, believe me men, I know you can do it too. I have faith in you.

2- Foreign Help on the Phone: Now maybe its only me, but I feel as if every phone call I make these days (minus T-Mobile) I end up talking to Habib in India. Now, I am surely not being racist about this but when I am already upset and having a problem on my bill and whatnot the last thing in the world I need is a language barrier. Am I right or am I right?

3-Teenie Bop Mom's: Oh man, I am not sure if I notice it more in the summer or what but man oh man I have seen about a million Teenie Bop Mom's this summer. Definition of the teenie bop, they feel competition between themselves and their teenage daughters. A couple of my VERY favorite this summer:
-A 40 year old ish Mom and her 2 teenage daughters all sporting their MATCHING, yes you heard me right, MATCHING Billibong bikini's. Seriously?
-Mom's wearing the short denim skirts with their butt cheeks hanging out while escorting her teenagers to the pool (note, no one should do this, not me, not you, not your Mom)
-The Mom at Sport's Academy that pulls up in her pimped out Escalade that strips down to the metallic....yes silver metallic bikini weekly. It's just to much...there are no words
-The Mom's that feel the need to wear shirts that don't work with a bra. I don't think I need to expand on this one. Tube tops+Mom Boobs=Bad

4-The Ol' Buzz Cut: Why in the world do 99% of men think its ok to Buzz their hair in the summer? Here's my qualms, seriously I think anyone over the age of 14 maybe 10% of the population looks good with a buzz cut. Those aren't good odds, that means that 90% of you don't look good. Are those the kind of odd's you want to mess with? It's kind of like perms for women....not good odds. So like I said, 10% not good odds, but on top of that you make yourself sound ridiculous because I hear ALL of them say "I had to buzz it off because it's just too hot." Ok Pedro, sorry your scalp got so hot but how in the world do you think us women survive all year long with these mops. It really can't be that bad, it really can't.

The End.

Lord Give Me Patience...

2008-07-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

So, this morning...well lets be honest I used the term "morning" quite loosely it was more early afternoon, in honor of our Pioneer heritage Lisa and I decided to celebrate poolside. On our way with Jamba's in hand we got caught behind the slowest Comcast van. So of course we missed the light...and naturally we were not happy about this seeing as how it was close to noon and the prime sun hours are from 10-2...we were already behind schedule. The light turned green and the "idiot" in the Comcast van was just sitting there with its blinker on not moving. So that's when I decided to start yelling curse words at the van and Lisa decided to start honking the horn. Luckily right as I was throwing my hand in the air calling the driver an ass hat a sweet little lady in a motorized wheelchair came across the crosswalk. And it was so nice to make eye contact with her at that point. I felt about this big....Lord, please give me more patience.

I Mean Business

2008-07-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

I was recently reminded of this picture/situation from a friend of mine and it sure brought a smile to my face. This is from my little sister Kristine's wedding in March. I seriously was trying to hide when they started the bouquet toss because I DID NOT want to be a participant. Kristine is younger than me and all so everyone really wanted me to catch the bouquet especially my brother in law Nick. Thanks for taking me out of hiding and getting on the microphone and yelling my name until I would participate. Awesome. But just as an FYI, I have actually caught 5 bouquets in the last 2 years and I have not seen an increase in my dating life let alone a marriage proposal. But once I was up there, I meant business. Like hell was I going to let anyone else get the bouquet after being forced up there. I meant business....and so did my 7 year old niece....I had the height part down, and had it not hit the ceiling making it hit the ground I can guarantee a different outcome. Plus, I guess Hallie is a little scrappier than I am. Look at the crowd, Shawna can't believe what is happening before her eyes. So really I don't know what is more sad in this situation:
1-That I was willing to risk my niece Hallies' life by tackling her to get the bouquet
2-That this little scrappy 7 year old was able to wrestle it away from my death grip
or 3-That she came up to me afterwards and insisted I take the bouquet and saying....you NEED it more than me Aunt Kate.

Awesome...but guess what. I have got the bouquet, so that makes an even 6.

Really Downeast? Really?

2008-07-16T15:27:00.000-07:00

So the last night Lisa and I decided to do some serious digging shopping. That means we hit up our top 3 digging spots, Ross, TJ Max and Downeast Outlet. We seriously love the digging shopping because you never know what you are going to end up with. If you are going to do this type of shopping you have to go with a complete open mind and you certainly can not be looking for anything imparticular.

So, we headed to the Downeast Outlet. Now, I am certainly not bagging on the outlet by any means, let me tell you a little about it. It's like the rejects of the rejects as far as clothing is concerned. If it doesn't sell at the store it came from it heads to Downeast....and then if it does not sell there it heads to the outlet. This makes for some serious digging, but I enjoy it. Guilty pleasure. So I went and found these Diesel shoes. Loved them, tried them on, fit like a glove. Lisa also found a shoe to try on, same story. I then noticed that there was only one of the shoes, so of course I assumed that they just put one out (you know, like at Nordstrom rack...thought it was a safe assumption) There was no price on it so we asked the girl how much they were, they were only a dollar. Of course we get so excited about this, I am getting Diesel shoes that fit like a glove for a dollar! This is too good to be true...which of course it was. We asked the girl for the other shoe...what other shoe she says....they are missing the other shoe so they are just selling the one shoe. What the hell are we going to do with one shoe a piece? Although this would have been nice when I had the bunion surgery...I was only in the market for one shoe at that point. But really?
I think there is always weird stuff in the store but we really couldn't see past the shoe's...until we tried on this coat from J Crew. Lisa put it on and we thought it was so cute until she turned around. You can't really tell but there is a HUGE piece cut right out of the back of the coat. Like literally someone has just taken scissors to the poor thing. What are you going to do with this? Make a HUGE patch to cover it up?
But I really think this takes the cake. I found these swim bottoms (took my business away from K Mart if you know what I mean...). They are these adorable yellow and white polka dot bottoms that had huge red buttons on the front. Then I see marked on the price tag down from $19.99, Nasty Stain on the Back $4.99. If you are really going to be putting paper on something calling it a nasty stain you should probably just count it as a loss and throw it away. I need to know what kind of customer is going to be buying such a thing.

Needless to say we left disappointed and empty handed. But, we sure did laugh pretty hard so I guess it was worth our 20 minutes. Thanks Downeast...but really?

E.P.T, Breyers and Garbage Cans

2008-07-11T15:33:00.000-07:00

So, we finally got some new neighbors in our basement. The others left like 2 months ago and we have really missed overhearing conversations, listening to garage band until all hours of the night and smelling everything cooked daily. So, its nice to have them back. But to be honest we never hear or smell anything...but I know they are down there. I also know a couple of other things about them. They like Yoplait yogurt, they use Sun detergent, they drink Aquafina water, and she might be pregnant. We only found the EPT (error proof test) box so we are still waiting to hear the big news. You know, I am assuming since I have talked to her twice I will be one of the first to know. Now you may be asking yourself, "Why do I know all this about people you don't know"....Well let me tell you, I had to recently dig through the trash and seeing as how we share a garbage can there are no secrets kept from this girl. But I hope you are asking yourself the most important question...why am I digging around in garbage.

A couple days ago Lisa and I decided to walk to the grocery store to get some Popsicles. Well, we found a better deal on Breyer's Ice Cream. So we picked out a flavor each and headed home. It was supposed to be OVERLOADED. Overloaded my eye. We kept digging and digging...and nothing. It was just like normal ice cream. No extra nuts, not extra brownies...nothing. We were obviously quite disappointed and when I returned back to the house 2 days later Lisa had polished hers off. She told me she was pretty disappointed, obviously not THAT disappointed but that's besides the point. She wanted to write a complaint letter about it but had already thrown away the container. Well let's turn on the lights and get started on the dig....

As you can see, we just made a little contraption for our hands out of garbage bags. They worked like a charm and I would HIGHLY recommend them to anyone in their future endeavours.

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner. After a few minutes of digging....we found it!

And it was time to CELEBRATE!!!

I will keep you posted on what we find out from Breyer's...I hope they really appreciate the time and effort we put into retrieving the carton so we could complain. You are welcome for the feedback. I will let you know when it is safe to by the OVERLOADED! Hopefully they can make some modifications and we as the customers can be satisfied soon.

And I will also keep you posted about the EPT, my fingers are crossed for a little boy!

The 4th, The Stork and White Trash Behavior

2008-07-07T15:58:00.000-07:00

First off, before I get to this post I have been wondering if people still read my BLOG...if you saw the comments you would be thinking about 10 people do....I got the site meter back today and there are lots of you reading...reveal yourselves...

Anyways, like I said I feel like I have lots to cover from this 4th of July weekend. As you have seen the title of this BLOG I have a lot to cover....and this picture kind of incorporates all 3 elements, I am standing by a flag (4th of July check), I couldn't look more white trash (white trash check) and as you can see I have not been using that Bender Ball I ordered from the infomercial so it looks like I might be a couple months pregnant (stork check) but actually these are all very separate offences. So read on...

The 4th started with the usual activity, no on the parade, no on McDonalds breakfast (yes we Gildea's love the double cheeses but we also celebrate the 4th from the breakfast menu) and no on the hot air balloon races....no, no no, I went against the grain this year and I went straight for the pedicures. This is kind of a weird picture, but instead of trying to explain to that adorable little Thai girl who weighs about 73 pounds on a good day I thought I would try this. The pedicure wasn't in the plans but after the bratty 17 year old who takes her job WAY too seriously wanted to charge me $15 to get into the Lifetime Fitness pool I decided to take my business else wear.
So after roaming around town in our swimwear all afternoon we decided to just keep with what was working and roam around town on the scooters. I know it's pretty white trash, but you know you have to go with what works.
We did eventually get out of the swimwear in order to go to the fireworks in Sugarhouse park. Now I don't know if its just me or if I am speaking collectively for the group here but I need to know where all these people hide out throughout the year. I am talking about the mullet heads, the men in cutoff shorts and a tank top with hiking boots, the large breasted women in halter tops...you know the people I am talking about. You know the ones that park it at the park all day long with a bucket of chicken (I have a goal to do this next year). But seriously, it is some fine people watching. It was also really nice to sit in between 2 Hispanic families who when the fireworks would go off they would say, "Mucho El Fuego" OK maybe that's not a direct translation but you get the idea.

Now this is probably the cherry on top as far as stories go. While at the Logan fireworks on Thursday night a certain friend of mine brought her middle aged parents to the fireworks. I wound up sitting on the same blanket with them, let's call them Paula and Dean (not Paula Dean from foodnetwork). As the fireworks are going off Dean leans over to Paula and whispered, "All human life starts with a little explosion..." You know that question, would you rather be deaf or blind? I usually pick blind, but at that moment I would have changed to deaf. I thought it was a little weird and of course NO ONE ELSE heard it but me...naturally. So, I kind of brushed the whole incident off until after the fireworks when Paula told me that she had to hurry home to call her son. Why you ask...."I have to hurry and call and wish him happy birthday because he was conceived on the 4th of July." And then I remembered all human life starts with a little explosion.

Parents, maybe its just me, but I feel as if I can speak pretty collectively for the whole group here. We as your children...or your children's friends don't want to hear these kinds of things. I think we are all still hopeing and imagining we came by stork...just like in DUMBO. Please don't take this hope and dream from us....

Let's STOMP OUT MS shall we?

2008-07-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

So this last weekend I volunteered for my 3rd year at the MS 150 Bike Tour. This has seriously become one of my favorite things about the summer. Even though it is a LOT of work with early morning and lots of manual labor (those who know me, you know that really isn't my style) but it is for a good cause so why not! Here's me, Nick and Christin headed off at 5:30 am to get the party started! I feel like we already look pretty hammered and this is Day 1..before we did any work....Here's the volunteers hanging out with Tara...aka the Event Coordinator for the MS Society. She also happens to be my good friend, and that's why I volunteer!

We were all team leaders this year, you know having done the event before, so here we are hanging out while the newbies work. Just kidding...well kind of....And is is just me or do we all look really nice in florescent orange, or cantaloupe as Christin kept calling it. Call it what you want, but at the end of the day I have something to wear during hunting season...finally!
Here's Nick doing his self appointed "Honey Bucket" (porta potty) duty....hard at work... So then I joined him because I figured he could use some help..... Here's Christin filling the water bottles, she asked me to take a picture of her working so we could show that to people. You know, to prove that we were in fact working...which we were...part of the time...but unfortunately those picture of me working are on Nick's camera. So you will have to take my word for it. Well, actually, here's a picture of Nick and I hard at work eating a sandwich....This really was the first time we had eaten in hours and we were pretty ravenous. And apparently, this is when Nick got too hot for his shirt so he had to strip to the tank. Oh the tank, just you wait for the treat I have at the end of this post regarding the tank....Here's Christin and I taking our Special Event Leader badges pretty seriously. Seriously, if you give me and inch with the power I take a mile (not as much as some did though). Every time my badge was turned around I made sure to switch it back around. I wish I was lying about this...
Here's me on the final load from the lunch spot on day 2. Seriously, I have never been so sweaty in my whole life, I was sweating in places I didn't know existed (sorry too much information I am sure) but seriously truth be told. It was like 98 degrees (not the band...but gosh who doesn't love a little Nick Lachey) outside in the hot sun loading a diesel. Seriously, I was loading a diesel. This is the final load of the bananas, so naturally we figured we better document.

I am so glad I got to volunteer again this year, we really had a terrific time. And like I said, it was some early mornings, lots of sun, manual labor and hard work but it was worth it. And plus, it didn't affect me as bad as some....

Gotta love the mantank sunburn lines.

Grandpa's "Non-Wedding"

2008-06-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

So this last weekend we went down for my Grandpa's wedding...well that was the plan until the week before when he called my Mom to tell her that apparently they had eloped. Yeah......that's a whole other story. Anywho, my parents had already rented the hotel and we were all already planning on it so we said, what the hay lets go anyway (well, we maybe didn't literally say this but you get the idea.) It wound up being a very short trip, but it was totally worth it. We really had so much fun, so here's a little from the trip:

The Utah Crew Driving Down...I don't know what Jordie is doing

When my Grandpa called to see what time I was going to be there he said he was going to have the house clean, his hair combed and his teeth in. Anyone who knows my grandpa knows he is notorious for leaving his teeth around, on the counter, on the stove, and Ben you might remember when you almost sat on them when they were sitting on the couch. Yes, a usual occurrence. Anyways, so here he forgot the teeth so he wanted to put them in for the picture....

So he could smile with his mouth closed...But, here's the honeymooners....oh so sweet!

New Grandma has a WII (not World War 2...a wii, its a nintendo game)...so I think you know what I did the entire weekend. Here's Kristine and I preparing for another tournament.While we waited for our turn on the wii, Kristine came up with a fun game. Let's see who can take the ugliest picture.....here's some highlights. Votes are welcome via comments...I am not sure how I got myself to have 5 necks...but let's not hide our talents under a bushel...You might recognize this shirt from a previous post, he loves it. What I don't love are these "spants" "manpries" or as my Dad likes to call them "clamdiggers". I am pretty against jean shorts all together...but I am REALLY against these long ones. They are Pepe brand and per your request Dad I did look the brand up and I regret to inform you Pepe is actually not 2Pac's (or 2 pack as you call it) clothing brand. You are not going to like this, but they are Tommy Hilfiger (or Hilfinger as you like to call it). So sorry to be the bearer of bad news.But to make up for the Pepe shorts, he did by this ROCO Wear shirt to wear around. It was florescent orange with a sparkly orange diamond studded"R" in the corner. Totally hot.

The Crew

The Crew wanted to try the ugly picture thing...I would say its a success

My Dad with his Father's Day card...please zoom in if you can....I promise its well worth it. I would like to take the opportunity to thank this card company for designing this card, Target for ordering it and Kristine for buying it. Great team effort here...

There are a few things not pictured (thank to Kristine for not sending me the pictures...) such as chicken fights and formations in the pool. And our family tradition, Double Cheese's at McDonalds. Yeah, I know pretty white trash family tradition but we love it. My favorite is when we hit up McDonalds for double cheeses BEFORE we head to the Roller Skating Rink. Don't judge us, don't you dare judge us.

The trip was fantastic until I got back to Provo and I would really like to thank those idiots at BYU for giving me this boot. As if I needed another reason to really hate you guys.

Need Help In The Kitchen?

2008-06-26T09:22:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to give a little "SHOUT OUT" if you will to my sister Natalie's BLOG, Hot Off The Garlic Press; contemporary recipes for today's home chef. It is one of the most creative, helpful, funny, and delicious websites. She is an AMAZING cook and puts all of her ideas and recipes online with instructions and everything for free! She sorts everything by meats and dishes and everything so next time you are looking for a great recipe or just need some new ideas check it out! She has terrific ideas for singletons like myself, families, dinner parties...you name it, she's got it. Also, if you ever have any kind of question about pretty much anything in the kitchen she is the best resource. Nat, aka OZ of the kitchen, is amazing! She puts so much work into this BLOG and I really want it to be successful, so check it out. You can find it in the corner of my BLOG and you can actually add it to yours. I promise this will be one of your new favorite BLOG's. Best of luck, and Happy Cooking!

Dear HR...my student worker is acting out

2008-06-20T23:33:00.001-07:00

Well now that I know you read my BLOG I think it's time to get something straight Tim. For my readers, let me explain. Tim is one of my student workers in my office at USU. I met him last year, to be honest he was one of my favorite recruits from Davis High so I got him a job in the office. I kind of consider him my little brother. We mess around a lot, I felt like we were having fun, I felt like we had a good thing going until he started acting out this week. Now, I am not sure what happened, maybe the emotional abuse has gotten to him. See my strategy with him is "Tim, I have to tear you down to build you back up." So I don't know if me calling him my bitch one too many times, me making him make too many copies, me having him parade around campus wearing a train conductor hat that says Kate's Birthday Crew on it, me insisting that in order to keep his job he did a bellyflop in the pool...twice (if he had done it right the first time, it we would only have needed one), me making him run errands for me because I don't want to do them myself....I mean really it could be anything. Really, whos to tell. But like I said, he is acting out...acting out hard.

He walked into my office yesterday and here's the conversation:

Tim:Kate you know how you remind me of?

Kate: Well Tim I don't know, who?

Tim:Kathy Griffin...in a good way.
Like I said, I don't know what brought out this hostility out in you. What you have said to me is, "Kate I think you are a really unfunny, super annoying and quite unattractive human." Now, I am not sure if this was intentional or not....but how would you like to be compared to this guy? Think about it Tim...

I suggest you put that Train Conductor Hat right back on, with a big IM SORRY and come back to work on Monday....with a better attitude....

**Bran could I get a rating here?

I'm Awkward

2008-06-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

So recently 2 of my friends...who will remain nameless... told me that I am one of the most awkward people they have ever met. I was totally mad and sad about this because when I think of someone awkward I think, acne, high water pants, no social skills...you catch my drift right? So who in the WORLD would want to be categorized as such. I finally am beginning to understand a little bit about what they are saying. The most awkward things are always happening to me (hello, did you read the K-Mart post???) and I have 2 stories to add to the mix. And these have both been within the week.

Situation Number 1:

*In no way shape or form am I making fun of those with special needs....I would NEVER do that.

So my friend Christin was up visiting from Salt Lake this weekend, which was a blast, and we found ourselves at the Logan Aquatic Center. We are there laying out when I am approached by a boy I have had about a million conversations with. Yes, beelines it for me. Now this boy, let's call him Pete, is pretty interesting. I have ignored the boners, the constant boob stares and awkward conversations because I have been under the impression he is special needs. After some investigating I found out, nope not special needs after all. Here's some highlights from our conversations:

-Tells me that its nice to talk to someone my age because it makes him feel young...yeah I can only imagine you know being the crypt keeper I am at the age of 25...

-Asks to take a picture of me in my swimsuit because "I look really nice in swimsuits"

-Asks me if I think I look nice in a swimsuit...when I say not really he starts to name what looks nice in a swimsuit

-Makes fun of me from being from boogerville. Boogerville you ask, let me break down the convo, Provo-where the cougars play-the cougs-aka the boogs-and that's where Boogerville comes from.

-Asks if I am married, have a boyfriend, or if I am interested in having him as my boyfriend.

Gee thanks Christin for letting me take this one on my own. I hope you retained a lot of information from "reading your book" during all this....

Situation Number 2:

So one of my greatest friends is a homosexual, let's also call him Pete. So Pete and I wound up working out at the gym together, and cherry on top his mom was there too. So, he takes me over to reacquainted and I head off to the StairMaster. After my workout I am walking by her treadmill and I politely wave...she then waves me over. So I take out my headphone and she literally corners me with this conversation:

-I think you are really cute, do you think you could change Pete's mind? I wanted to be like lady, been there done that. And trust me, they aren't buying what I am selling, they are not picking up what I am putting down.

-As a parent what should I do about this...then here comes the tears. I am really sorry, I have no

idea. I have no children, I am not a parent, I don't know.

-I know Pete confides in you, so I have taken your number from his phone and I would like to check in with you so you can tell me what he is really doing.....

-It's nice that he is still going to church with you (which he is not) right? Katie he has been going to church with you right....

-I am just glad he has not been acting out on these feelings (which he has) right? Katie he hasn't been acting out on these feeling right....

Yeah, I literally had a 20 minute conversation with her about this. Kind of stuck in a rough position here....

In lighter, non awkward news it was Summerfest this weekend in Logan. I seriously love the summers up here. Perfect weather, perfect location, love it love it. I did get to go and see a cover band of THE BEATLES called Get Back. I would say they did a pretty good job, I mean they have had some tough competition. Hello....have you ever heard of A Touch of Silk a temptations cover band in Wendover. Yeah, didn't hold a candle to them but they were pretty good. In fact, why don't you go ahead and enjoy this picture of me with A Touch of Silk and if any of you are interested I do have their CD....just let me know.

(Note, the Asian women in the middle is not in the band...just our Fun Bus Coordinator)

And another highlight from Summerfest....Funnelcake. Hello, heaven. As embarrassing as this is to say, this is the ONLY thing I bought at Summerfest. I went so far as to do some inquiries about figuring out how to make them, and then I looked down at the muffin-top and reminded myself that this would be a VERY BAD idea. So I just savored my half of the funnelcake....

A Little Father's Day Shoutout!

2008-06-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day Dad! I just wanted to write down a couple of my favorite things about my Dad, and for the record I don't care what Tangie Alsop says, I don't think you are a strange man. For those that didn't grow up in my house or in Northridge 4th let me quickly explain that the Alsop's were probably the WEIRDEST people I have ever met and one day the little 3 year old girl walked up and said, "Brother Gildea, my mom says you are a strange man, but I think you are nice." Yeah Sister Alsop my dad is surely the weird one.... Anyways, for those that don't know my Dad, you are really missing out. He is not one in a million, he is one in a trillion. Honestly, I love him and I feel so lucky to have him as my Dad.
This picture was recently taken when one of the Visalia Firemen found out he had a brain tumor, to honor him all the fireman shaved their heads. My Dad has such a love and dedication to the people he works with. He really would do anything for them, and I always loved telling people growing up that my Dad was a fireman. Everyone always thought that was so cool and he would always let us bring people to tour the fire station when we were younger. We went there every Sunday that my Dad worked and he would let us climb on the engines, wear his boots and helmets and slide down the poles!

I love this picture of my Dad and I because he really is that hip (those aren't really is sunglasses but use your imagination) He loves to wear, much to our dismay, items like FUBU, PHAT FARM, and let's not forget WUWEAR (just imagine him saying, woo woo and raising the roof). But really he is with the times, he is always up to date on Hollywood life (he is the one that told me that Nick and Jessica were getting a divorce mind you). He always knows the latest bands and music. Seriously, he introduced me to bands like The White Stripes and The Strokes
He's also really good at improvising (sorry Gabe). Last year while we were home visiting the girls went shopping and Grandpa was left with the kids. He couldn't find the wipes....so he took Gabe out and hosed him off. We were laughing SO hard, but hey it worked. My Mom said that he used to do that to us growing up as well, so I guess some good things never change....

My Dad is probably one of the youngest 52 year olds you will probably ever meet. This was him going down the giant slide at the bounce part this last year. My Dad has always lived on the edge, especially with his toys...which we had in abundance growing up. It was not unusual to see my Dad in his 40's doing pop a wheelies up and down our street or buying a leather riding outfit equiped with the professional rollers one the knees (yes the one's that professionals use)

And last but not least, my Dad is a jokester above all jokesters. I am not sure when this started but he started buying us shirts from places like GENX clothing. It has become one of our favorite parts of Christmas, but the joking doesn't end there. My friend Jason Sanders was over at our house when I was in High School and he put dog biscuits on a plate and served them to him. It was hilarious!

But probably one of my favorite jokes was 6 years ago, it was my niece Hallie's first Christmas and my Dad bought her some Santa Jammies and as a joke. My Mom, don't kill me for telling this, was all about this Grandma thing and so my dad was hanging out the jammies and it got to her. He handed her a box and she looked inside and they were matching to Hallies....almost.....she got so excited and yanked it out of the box and much to her dismay they were not matching. It was the nastiest, most disgusting Mrs. Santa lingerie. I would show a picture, but I am pretty sure my mom has destroyed all the evidence....

I could go on and on, but I will end it at that. I hope you have a very Happy Father's Day. To my one in a trillion Dad, Love you!

Drumb roll please....June's LIST OF THINGS THAT MUST GO!!!

2008-06-12T13:26:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if this will become a monthly thing or not (I am worried that people will start to think I am a little on the bitchy side...thus thinking to themselves no wonder she is single) but I have been keeping a little notepad of things that have been really irritating me this month. So, here you have it folks, THINGS THAT MUST GO JUNE:

1-TIPPING. Ok, am I the ONLY one out there (besides my sister Natalie) that thinks that tipping has gotten out of control? Now don't get me wrong, I am an excellent tipper....when you have done something for me that deserves a tip. I'm sorry but at Cafe Rio (or pretty much anywhere else these days) where I have to stand in line and order my own food (and get yelled at for that matter...BLACK OR PINTO!!), get my own drinks, silverware, box my own food...what exactly have you done for me that deserves a tip? It kind of just seems like you have served me as much as they do at Wendy's. But you give me a crusty when I just sign the credit card slip and grab a handful of mints. Sorry, no tip for you mam.

2-THE UP SELL. Now I know this is required by corporate for you to do this but seriously, I am not stupid. Yes I saw that lip gloss, socks, whatever you are trying to get me to buy is on sale but I saw it....and I don't want it. You naming everything in the store is not going to have a light bulb go off in my head like, "oh yeah I should pick up a couple polo's since they are on sale 2 for $40." If I want it, I buy it, I have eyes, I saw, I don't want it. Thanks for the suggestion though.

3-THE GO GREEN MENTALITY: Wow, before everyone gets all crazy on me, let me explain. I know it's an inconvenient truth (sorry couldn't resist) that we have not done some pretty crappy things to the planet. I am all on board with this, let's fix the carbon footprint. You know what I don't like, is ol' Sam Walton jumping on this bandwagon by making shirts that say things like, "Hug me, I'm Green" and such. Sam, you are probably one of the biggest contributors to the problem, but thanks for making more money on these RIDICULOUS t-shirts.

4-REALITY SHOWS: Now once again, let me explain. I LOVE all the shows on MTV and VH1, Rock of Love, I Love NY, heck, I even LOVE Keeping up with the Kardashians. But I can't handle that Denise Richards has a show. She is a total moron. Please tell me you all saw the commercials for this ridiculous venture. You are a terrible person Denise, we don't need it plastered on our TV. The same thing goes for Living Lohan, Dina you are a real piece of work. I am glad that since Lindsay is such a hot mess you decided to do the same with Ali. That's some good parenting you've got there Dina. Parent of the year material. Come on E!

That's what I have for this month folks....but don't worry this notepad will be taking notes for July!

Swim Bottoms + Crotch Sniff + K-Mart= Confused Customer...

2008-06-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

+
+
=

I hope you enjoyed the little diagram I just spent 25 minutes on. But just looking at it makes it all worth while. Now for those of you that read my sister Natalie's BLOG (which should be all of you, her BLOG is HILARIOUS!) this will be a repeat, but I figured there are lot's of readers out there that don't so I didn't want to deprive you of this story. I swear, that the story I am about to tell you is 100% true. I have not even taken ANY creative liberties here. So here goes...

Four summers ago, I was living at home in Orem for summer break. My friend Trevor had invited me to go to Lake Powell with some friends and I realized I had lost my swim bottoms in the move. So I searched high and low for some new swim bottoms but it was July so they were pretty picked over. Then I finally thought, hey I bet K-Mart will have something. So I drove down there and sure enough I found a pair that would work. So bought them, took them home....and then never used them. I am a little iffy on the details here but I am SURE I never wore them. So a couple weeks later I was cleaning my room and I found the UNWORN (this is important, unworn) bottoms so I decided to take them back. This is where it gets weird....

So I walk up to the customer service and explain that I would like to return these UNWORN, tags still in place, swim bottoms. She asks me the usual questions, have these been worn, is there anything wrong, etc. I explain that I just didn't need them and whatnot and then all the sudden she grabs the swim bottoms but the crotch and takes 2 huge whiffs. I naturally stop mid sentence and here's what goes through my mind:

1- Is that company policy? Even if it was, I would tell my boss that they are only paying me $5.15 and hour, there is no way in hell I am doing a crotch check on swim wear.
2-What if those had been worn? A, you just smelled crotch and B are you really going to hand them back to me and say....these have been worn and we don't accept worn clothing back?
3-What if I were to challenge her and say they hadn't been worn, is she going to make me smell check it too?

I seriously just stood there, dumbfounded. Well, dumbfounded, embarrassed, disgusted, confused...Well, and of course I looked around because I assume I am on Candid Camera, that's the only explanation. Soon enough I am just grabbing my $4.00 back and I am on my way. Seriously, still waiting for candid camera to show up. I never signed a release....so I am just assuming that's K-Mart's return policy on swim wear. Needless to say, I have not bought swim wear from them ever again. I seriously rushed home to tell my Dad the story and we were DYING! It's been a family favorite ever since. But it's nice to remember this story EVERYTIME I put on a swimsuit.....

Hola from Cabo!

2008-05-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

Alright guys, I am sorry that I took such a long break from the blogging world. It's almost embarrassing to get back into it from such a long break. But, I hope I have not lost all my readers....come back to me please! I do have a good excuse though because I was on vacation. It was my parent's 30th anniversary (Happy Anniversary you crazy kids) so somehow I convinced my Dad that it was a good idea to bring the single kids with him. And boy was it a good idea! Sorry Dad that I tricked you into taking us by faking that I was having some bouts of depression because I got passed up for marriage by my little sister....it was all in good fun right? But alas, I would like to think that we had a great time. My parents took me and Hannah banana on a cruise to Cabo San Lucas and it was a blast. The trip started off with a bang, or a double sided compliment, when at the airport the guy took a look at the original drivers license. Yes I still have the original because during renewal time I was going on a mission so I thought there was no point in renewing. Anyways, that's a whole other story. So he took a look at it and said, "Man you look much better in real life." Yeah Mr. TSA I assume EVERYONE looks better in their 20's than they did at 16..... Anyways, there are LOTS of pictures so proceed with caution!

Here's Hannah and I checking into our room

Here's the happy couple at their Anniversary Dinner...

And the 2 daughters joining the couple at the anniversary dinner....

Here's the family miniature golf day. Don't be scared at how great I look on trips...this is typical

This is probably one of my favorite pictures of the trip. There was this EXTREMELY drunk 21 year old name Chris on our cruise who became a big fan of my mom. So, he was talking to her and dumped the entire tray on her lap. Then to apologize he decided to hug her and start licking inside her ear...totally appropriate. Then when my dad asked where his "wing man" was he said, "I am Christopher Bank son, I don't need a wing man." I beg to differ....

The happy quadrant on the boat over to Cabo. Sorry about the really weird cleavage here. I figured it was better to just point it out rather than having someone comment on it

A little snorkeling

Hannah and I boating in Cabo

Cabo left me feeling.....hot hot hot. Mandatory, please imagine me singing that with a steal drum and a braid please)

The ladies arriving in "beautiful" Ensanda Mexico. I love it when the call piece of crap ports beautiful. I am not saying we left empty handed by any means....

My father in "beautiful" Ensanda Mexico. For those that don't know my Dad you are missing out. He is hilarious. He chose this pose, no one told him what to do this was his own idea. And my Mom HATES his new birthday shirt I gave him. For those that don't watch Arrested Development, get with the times, and then you will really appreciate this shirt. Let me get you a close up:

I really think it speaks for itself

My very favorite Mexican's

I love this picture for a couple of reasons. One is that I NEVER think I look like my Mom and here I do. And second, this is what we looked like the whole time. Honestly, I think it was pretty rare to see my mom without an ice cream cone in hand. I would say it's safe to say she had around 4-6 a day (don't you dare try and deny it). Thirdly, I like that I am holding this ice cream cone and it is making me have a double chin.

Thanks Dad and Mom and Hannah for the great time. And sorry married sisters, but we will catch you on the next one! Bring on the Family Cruise December 2008!

Mommy's Day

2008-05-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

In honor of my most wonderful Mom I just wanted to do a quick post wishing her a special day. Here's some of my favorite things about my Mom: She loves to shop just like me. Like sometimes its a shop till you drop situation. Which I never mind of course! So if anyone wonders where my behavior came from...this is her. This was us shopping in Portland this year. She got REALLY into scarves, isn't she cute?
This is us at a pub in Portland. For the last 3 years my Mom picks one of my work trips to come along with. It has been SO fun. We have been to Seattle, Portland and Phoenix. It has become such a fun tradition and we have had so many special times together. It's fun to have her all to myself for a couple of days!
I love this picture of my Mom because once again this is an inherited trait. She has such a sweet tooth! I am glad I inherited that from her...but I am still trying to figure out how she doesn't have a muffin top...And yes you are seeing this right. Those are silky leopard bottoms. Oh Mother. My Mom is one of the best grandma's in the whole world. She is so great with the kids and they just adore her. And I must say I hope she passes on those genes for ageing well!
Some other things I love about my mom:
-I loved as a kid, she was always sitting in the front room waiting for us to get home. She always gave us a hug and had us sit and tell her about our day.
-She loved to make stuff special. One of my favorite things is she would do themed nights for dinner. Like Asian night and we would all sit and wrap won tons or 50's night with hamburgers, homemade fries and milkshakes.
-Every morning my mom got up and made breakfast complete with our own vitamin pile.
-She never missed one assembly or performance I was in.
-She is a servant. I can't remember a week in my life that she wasn't taking dinner or a treat to someone in our neighborhood. She loves to serve those around her. She will be embarrassed that I re posted this, but this is hilarious. This is a convo over IM between her and my sister Natalie. Really captures my mom's great attitude:

Mom: I made my little 87 year old friend a chocolate pie and you know she just cant give a compliment...when i asked her how it was she said it was okay...i thought are you kidding me i make the best crust around and your homemade pudding was so delicious!
Nat: that's hilarious!
Nat: you do make the best crust
Mom: yea i wanted to spank her
Nat: LOL, spank her
Nat: and I know for damn sure that pudding is the best thing she's ever tasted! {Sorry, she made the pudding recipe I just posted, I don't swear often but found it appropriate in this case}
Nat: that's funny
Mom: i love her though she is such a stink pot
Nat: yeah, I remember who you are talking about her, I remember who she is
Mom: she is going to have surgery next week and i was afraid she might not make it so i made her the pie before she dies
::{Oh man, she is so serious. That is my Mom to a T. Hilarious.}::

I really do have the best Mom in the whole world and I am so lucky to have her. Thanks for teaching me so much and for loving us all just the way we are. Love you Mom, Happy Mother's Day!

In Honor of My Heritage....

2008-05-06T15:12:00.001-07:00

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Well, I do realize this is a day late so sorry about that. But I did want to share probably the funniest staff luncheon there ever was. I am pretty sure I have made it so I will never be planning a staff luncheon again, but it was hilarious! Belinda and I decided that we were going to throw a Mexican Fiesta for our monthly staff luncheon. We got our friend Barbara to join in the fun....here's the staff luncheon invite.
Seriously everyone was laughing so hard. Especially because we have a WIDE range of ages, personalities ect in this office so it always makes things even funnier. Now, we didn't skimp on this party let me tell you. We went ahead and made this a pot luck so we had quite the spread. We wanted to make it as realistic as possible so we borrowed a bunch of stuff from Multicultural Student Services. We had fiesta music blasting, sombrero's everywhere, Pina Colada's and some people even chose to dress up. We even made this backdrop for a photo shoot. I had a rule that there was no smiling....once again I would say success.
I am glad that Casey couldn't even put the taco down for the picture! We also had everyone hold the Pina Colada bottle in EVERY picture. And in case you were wondering, photo's were not optional. This was a manditory photo shoot. And really, what kind of Mexican Fiesta would this be without a Pinata??? We found a way to propel this from the ceiling right there in the hospitality room of the admissions office.
Thanks to Jenn for busting the thing open. And of course we didn't skimp on the candy....You might be noticing that Belinda and I are wearing the same shirt. She is Hispanic and every year her family has these HUGE family reunions in Texas. So her and I came to the party in her matching family reunion shirts. Thanks Lopez family for letting us borrow them! Everyone kept asking me what the shirt said and I had no idea...it was all written in Spanish. Gringo mistake.
And last but not least it was LIMBO time. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my whole life. Seriously, if you work in an office just imagine everyone in your office doing the LIMBO. Think about it. Like seriously close your eyes and imagine your office doing the limbo. Best thing ever right? And in all seriousness I don't know a better way to boost the moral of the place than by getting out the ol' Limbo stick.

~~~Happy Cinco de Mayo~~~

Things That Must Go....

2008-04-28T21:22:00.001-07:00

I went to dinner with a group of friends over the weekend and we started talking about a variety of thing that just "urk" us. So here you have it, my very own list of things that must go...

A-Wedding Announcements: (I would like to dedicate this to Nat, you are my right hand girl on this one!)
1- Please only put one picture, I know it's hard to find only one picture when you are the most adorable couple ever....but come on. One is sufficient, this is not a photo album.
2-Gift Registration. To be honest I am really not into the gift registration, I know it has become the social norm but I will not conform to this. But if you MUST register somewhere do no, I repeat DO NOT register at banks. I think that is SO tacky! If you have done that, please don't do it again.
3-Posing. I know people are trying to get creative here...but let's not get carried away. Like I don't love the idea of the couple peering behind a tree ect. I get it, we want to see your personality but like I said let's not get carried away.
4-Clothing. I am not saying to you need to be matchy matchy, or have a picture that looks like it belongs in the yellow pages under the lawyers (Smith and Associates) but would it be too much to ask to remove your leatherman off your belt loop for 2 seconds while we snap a couple photo's for your wedding announcement?

B- Gym Etiquette (I would like to dedicate this portion to the meat heads at Sports Academy and Racquetball Club. I love you guys)
1-There really is no need to bring an entire gallon of water to the gym. This kills me every time, I have never in my life seen anyone drink the whole thing. I would say on average they drink about a third. Let me give you a piece of advise, bring a 20 oz water bottle. That's what I do, if I am still thirsty during the workout I simply walk my spandexed booty over to the water fountain and fill it up. Problem solved.
2-If you are physically shaking, veins bulging out of your head, and you feel the need to grunt do us all a favor. Lighten the weight by 10 lbs. That ought to do the trick. Sometimes I feel like the grunting is a little sexual and I really don't appreciate that. It makes me feel uncomfortable, therefore it makes me want to leave early. So please, on behalf of this muffin top I am desperately trying to get rid of PLEASE don't make us leave early!
3- I really resent the fact that gym personal have to spell out common courtesies. I assumed (yes Dad I know what happens when you assume) it was a well known, obvious fact that sexual relations shouldn't be taking place in the steam room. If everyone knows this why do they have to post signs reminding everyone of this? Who missed the memo of appropriateness here?

C- Car Wash Courtesies
1- If there is a line of cars behind you, PLEASE don't put in 25 quarters and scrub every inch of your car. I appreciate a clean car...a car that can be cleaned with 4 quarters
2- Appropriate dress. Sure, in the summer after a nice day at the pool of course I will go wash my car in my swimsuit on my way home. But, is it really necessary this early in the spring to wash your car in bikini and tube top. Especially when it was honestly only 50 degrees out?
3- When vacuuming out the car, I love listening to music. Who doesn't. But I think it's important to remember that not everyone loves the same kind of music. So my dear friend who I shared the vacuum with on Saturday, I realize you probably just got out of a bad relationship but listening to "Bleeding Love" 25 times isn't going to make your boyfriend come back to you. That I can guarantee (Melanie, I realize this would have been an ideal situation for you!)

D- The World's Obsession with Suri Cruise
1-Don't get me wrong, I love our little Suri. She is absolutely darling, I am sure she is going to turn into a hot mess (thanks Tom) but she sure is a cute little squirt. But I was getting quite annoyed with magazines and news reports with their obsession with her 2nd birthday. It was my 25th birthday this year and I feel like I have accomplished more than her. Just because my dad isn't jumping up and down acting like a crazy man on Oprah's couch that doesn't mean I don't want a little attention too.
2-I resent the fact that she is dolled up to the max in such designers as Versace, Valentino, and Armani at age 2. Honestly, I am 25 years old, a college graduate, and a full time career woman and I am still cruising (no pun intended) the sale racks at the GAP and Banana Republic. In what world is this fair? What gives?
3- And last but not least I am sick to death of them talking about her favorite restaurants. Hello, she is 2. At that age shouldn't she be loving french fries, pizza, and chicken nuggets? In my opinion the only Lambchop she should know is the one that sing "This is the song that never ends."

Oh man, it feels so good to unload about this. I don't know about you but I feel a huge weight lifted. If you have done any of the things on the list, please don't be offended...just consider it a friendly reminder of appropriateness. So for the time being, this is my list of things that must go.

Saying Goodbye...

2008-04-23T10:46:00.000-07:00

For those of you who didn't get to say your last goodbyes, I apologize. It just got to the point where I couldn't take care of her anymore. Saying goodbye was hard, but I know she is in a better place now. I am still dealing with the loss but I know we are never given anything we can't handle so that always offers some comfort. For those of you who don't know, I underwent my 3rd (yes you heard it right) bunionectomy. It kind of nice to get the third surgery, which is usually reserved for women over the age of 75, out of the way at the ripe ol' age of 25. I took a picture of what we were dealing with right before I left for the hospital. This was the last time I saw her...alive. This is a close up of the beaut, I have no idea why my dad gave me the nickname of "Fred Flinstone Foot." Honestly, my mom has the prettiest feet you have ever seen, I am so glad I got those genes. As you can see I already have about a 6 inch incision going. Light at the end of the rainbow, they used the same incision. I was actually thinking about when I had my first surgery, I was only in 8th grade. I didn't want to use the word bunion to describe my "problem" so I came up with creative ways to describe my problem. I used to talk about how I had a collapsing arche and so it shifted the bones around. Pretty creative right? All was going fine until Wes Berge told everyone that it was called a bunion....and his grandma had the same thing going on.

I don't know if it's just me, but I think I look really good in the hospital gown. Super flattering. Here I am modeling my IV because this was the part I was most nervous about. I have a SEVERE fear of needles. Part of the problem is the fact that I have the worst veins, they are impossible to find. Thanks Mom for passing those on...instead of the pretty feet. When I went to get my blood tested before the surgery I completely passed out in the nurse's station. Like, eyes rolling back in my head, the whole bit. But I didn't even flinch, thanks Trudy, you did a great job!Here's my little home nurse Lisa. She has been the biggest help and has been at my beck and call since the surgery. She took the whole day off of work so she could be with me after the surgery. I really don't know what I would have done without her this week. Who could have asked for a better best friend? Some sweet things she has done: stocked the house with Popsicles because that is all I will eat, create a med chart so we know when I need to take my medicine, walks me to and from the bathroom about 10 times a day, keeps my water and ice packs nice and cold, falls asleep downstairs on the couch so if I need her I can just tap her, and took me on a drive to get me out of the house to give me a boost. I sure love you Lisa, thank you so much!Last night on the drive I asked Lisa to take me to Smiths. Now, I don't know about you but I have ALWAYS wanted to ride around in one of these "Mart Karts". My dream finally came true! I think its one of those things that is fun until you actually have to be in it. I felt pretty stupid because I felt like people thought I was faking. Yeah sir, I put on a sweatsuit, washed off all my makeup, undid my hair, wrapped up my foot and put on this ugly shoe just so I wouldn't have to walk my own butt around. It was nice to find things that are on lower shelves because they were at eye level. I am serious, I have been trying to find these gingersnaps from when I was a kid and I have combed the cookie aisle trying to find them and I never have. Thanks to the mart kart I found them last night....they were at eye level.

I am really looking forward to the day when I am up and at em but I am doing just fine. I am so lucky to have such great family and friends who have taken such good care of me. They have done everything from cooking, cleaning, and doing my laundry. You guys are the best! And maybe its just the bunion talking but its nice to finally get my daily dose of Matlock. Luckily, my manager just showed up to rip out the counter tops....awesome! But luckily, they are going to be done on Friday....

California aka the "Land of Promise."

2008-04-15T18:29:00.000-07:00

I am hanging out in S California this week for work and so far it has been SO much fun. As I have been thinking about my trip so far, I am starting to think by the pictures people will be wondering where their tax dollars are going....I have attended 2 college fairs already and 2 more to go so don't worry! Your tax dollars are in good hands. Anyways, we (me, Katie Jo USU recruiter, Nick U recruiter and Fran Weber recruiter) got here on Sunday and I found the best place to stay, thank you Hotels.com We stayed at this great little resort called Pacific Palms right outside LA. Nick and I would like to personally thank them for complimentary robes in each room....

On Monday I had a college fair in downtown LA, man was that interesting. To be honest, every year this is one of my favorite fairs because I talk to more ghetto kids in the 3 hour block than I do in the entire year combined. I seriously just sit there and laugh for hours and hours while I am taking notes and what to purchase for souvenirs as far as "bling" and "ice" goes.

After the fair we got tickets to the taping of "Chelsey Lately". I was SO excited because she is seriously one of the funniest people I have ever watched, sometimes a little on the crude side, but hilarious non the less. While we were waiting in line, they picked Katie Jo to be a part of the show and I was so jealous! I kept yelling to them that they had the wrong Katie!!! But I still had a great time even though I was just part of the studio audience. After the show we walked out and I noticed Chuey's car. Chuey is Chelsey's "personal assistant" on the show and he is a little Mexican midget and she always calls him a "little nugget" He seriously is one of my favorite parts of the show. So I saw his car so I ran back to the car to grab my camera and while we were taking pictures with the car Chelsey's stylist started talking to us. We told her we were huge Chuey fans and she just called him up and asked him to come out and say hi to these crazy Utahns (sorry I painted us as crazy). His assistant said he would bring him on out. While we were waiting, Heather Mcdonald (writer of the show and round table star) drove up from running to the bank. So I said hi to her and she came right over and talked to us. She was so incredibly nice and told us that she really does get so excited when people recognize her. So naturally I thought if she loves getting recognized she won't mind a picture....My new best friend Heather and I at the studio

True to the assistant's promise Chuey came right out. He was so cute and sweet to us and he couldn't believe we really waited for him to come out. He even brought each of us out a little autographed picture of him in a tux, I about died! I didn't know what to do in the picture because I kid you not, he only didn't even go to my waist. I decided the crouch down was the best idea here.

Say hello to my little friend (please say with accent) Chuey, Little Nugget Car and me!

I didn't run into any other celebrities while I was there, sorry to disappoint but seriously Chuey was all I needed. We had to head up to Ventura today for another fair and we woke up and it was pretty gloomy in LA so we decided to head up pretty early so we could catch some sun. Obviously we didn't shower, brush our hair, put on makeup ect to go lay out, we just went as we were. When we got to Ventura it was WAY too cold to lay out and we were too early to check in so we were pretty nasty looking and stranded. Luckily, I spotted some outlets so off we went.

I am sure the associates were wondering why this homeless lady was shopping

After I got back to the car and realized how scary I looked I was pretty embarrassed. Sorry Mom I know you raised me better than this! It now makes more sense that the associates were spraying down my room with febreeze as I left.... We went to In and Out for lunch afterwards and this older gentleman kept talking to me and at first I thought he was hitting on me...then I caught a glimpse of myself in the straw holder and I realized he was just wanting to help get this run away off the street and into a half way house! My hair was seriously so greasy looking so I am going to steal the thunder from my sisters and let them know that, "No, In and Out didn't use the grease from my hair to fry the fries."

The Gorge....

2008-04-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

If you are thinking that this post has anything to do with Dave Matthews Band please don't read on. I don't really know exactly how to explain what took place on Sunday, but I will do my best to describe the events. Two years ago, I made Lisa a "Skor" cake for her birthday, and she told me that she thought if I left her unattended she could eat the whole thing. So, we have always joked that someday I was going to make her one and have her eat the whole thing. Naturally we told our other room mate MJ about it and she said that she thought she could eat an entire carton of ice cream. I started thinking about it and I don't really have a high tolerance for sweets so I said that I had to pick a food item. Anyone that knows me knows that my favorite food is meat. I am embarrassed by this fact, but it's true. My name is Kate Gildea and I am part carnivore. Anyways, so I said that I thought I could eat an entire chicken, or "the bird" as I refer to it. The three of us have laughed about it all year long and it has come up at various events like work party's and my birthday party and before we knew it we had all sorts of people on board. We had 9 people that participated in the event, only 4 completed the challenge. Note, it was called a challenge not competition. This was about personal best. So, here's everyone's challenge.

Abbey's: An entire gallon of milk and a dozen Krispy Kreams.
Challenge: NOT COMPLETE, 2/3 gallon of milk and 10 doughnuts. Just shy of her goal.

Casey: 2 entire Large Pizza's.
Challenge: COMPLETE, he was the first finished!

Tim: 2 entire Marie Calander's Pie's, one cream based, one fruit based
Challenge: NOT COMPLETE, finished the fruit based but only made it a couple bites into the cream based. No where near his goal.

MJ: One carton of "Loaded" Ice Cream and an entire package of fudge striped cookies.
Challenge: COMPLETE! Jenn: An entire loaf of Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches.
Challenge: NOT COMPLETE, she did have a great tactic though smashing the bread down to make each sandwich include at least 6 slices of bread.

Carrie: And entire box of Mac & Cheese and a loaf of French Bread
Challenge: COMPLETE! It was carb overload but well worth it to complete the challenge!

Katie Jo: 8 Burger King Rodeo Burgers
Challenge: NOT COMPLETE, but SO close. Made it to 7 but could not physically go on.

Lisa: An entire Skor Cake
Challenge: sadly enough, NOT COMPLETE. She made it almost half way.

Kate: An entire rotisserie chicken (Colossal, serves 5-7)
Challenge: COMPLETE!

To be honest, this was probably the funniest thing I have ever done in my life. Everyone, well not everyone, but most people were pretty sick afterwards. Others knew their limits. We only had 2 hours to complete, so yes it was a timed event. Here's some pictures during the event.

Here's everyone in the beginning, we were so happy then!

Success! Look how excited she is, she had polished off the cookies. Thank you Abbey for making sure you were in the picture with your doughnut.

Here's the 3 originators of the Challenge at the half-way mark. Still going pretty strong....

For any of you who have watched FRIENDS, you know what happened next. I got the "meat sweats."

So then we decided to take it outside, Casey was helping Lisa make some room

Helping me "stretch out" for the remainder

It's hard to say if this picture took place before or after the milk curdled in her stomach. He stomach is usually flat.
These 3 needed to take a break.....

After the event of course I was pretty sick, like to the point I threw up. But, the more I think about it the funnier it becomes, especially when I see the pictures. And I learned a lot about myself during the challenge. For example, I learned that I have more willpower than most, I won't stop until I get the job done. And I learned a lot about limits, I mean now I know exactly how much chicken I can consume, I mean if someone was to ask me to eat a checken that serves 7-9 I will have to say no. I know my max, it's a bird for 5-7 people, no more.

YES! Update!

2008-04-08T10:47:00.001-07:00

Wait, before you get your hopes up, no the house is not done. But I thought I didn't have this picture...but alas I have found it!!! Light at the end of the rainbow! Yes, this is seriously what the kitchen table looked like. As you can see this is why we became excellent lap eaters. In other news, we paid rent this month (I know, I know, we shouldn't have) but Lisa wrote on the back of the envelope, "Can you please come finish the kitchen and door. This is getting old." As you can see Lisa is the only one ballsey enough to get this done. Good job Lisa! They called and said it will be done Friday....I think I have heard this before. Maybe it's just dejavue.

ASHTON??

2008-04-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

As you can see this is the best picture I could come up with in regards to my dear Ashton. Since it was April Fools Day yesterday I just assumed that my managers were going to pop out from behind the fridge and say, "Kate Gildea, you just got punked." And I would look over and see the kitchen remodel completely done. Let's just say that we have now reached the 6 week mark on the remodel. I wouldn't say it's anywhere near being done. While he was over last he seriously said, "I know this has been a little annoying for you guys, but I know the next tenants will have such a nicer kitchen." Seriously? Like I really give a rats behind about next years tenants advantage? Then 2 weeks ago he claimed was going to get it "pounded out" and it was going to be done by Friday. Well, I would like to document James progress on the house. Thanks for "pounding it out" James! Have you been nominated for manager of the year yet?Here's where they decided to rip out the oven and cupboards and drawers and put this range in. It's not exactly what I had in mind but I would say all in all it looks pretty nice. I like what you have done with the place. It's a little trashier than what I was used to but it will probably grow on me....

It's hard to really nail down my "favorite" party of the remodel but I would definately say this is up there. Yes, what you are seeing here is our plywood countertops. We were pretty careful with them in the beginning but now as you can see we are just using them like we would a normal counter. Anything from cooling racks of cookies to buttering toast. We have just used some Clorox wipes on it and it seems to be functioning just fine.

Apparently our door was leaking in too much cold air so it was costing them more in utilities so they decided to get a new door. I completely understand. What I don't understand is why you left it looking like this. I believe we are missing a doorframe here...and if it's not your house, please buy used. We don't mind a scratched used door.

I would say this ties for my "favorite" part of the remodel. They were doing construction on the cupboard where all this belongs so its now clear across the room on the floor....once again once you get used to it its not so bad.

I am really disappointed because I thought I documented the funniest part of the project but I didn't. James also ripped out the cupboard that had all my food and all the cooking products. So, he just decided to put it on my kitchen table. So all my food has been covering the ENTIRE kitchen table for the last month, I will say we have all mastered the art of eating on our laps. Lisa and I couldn't take it anymore and finally put it away on Sunday so sorry, no picture!

I look forward to the day when I don't have James, his kids, the counter man, the one legged electrician (true story, he had a wooden leg and he showed it to my roomate) and the rest of the entourage running around my house on a daily basis. However, truth be told, I will miss the sounds of strange men trapsing around my house when I get out of the shower. I just hate being home alone, a girl can always use some company right? Needless to say if you know anyone moving to the Logan area, please let me know. Have I got the manager for you! And once again James, thanks for "pounding it out!"

2008-03-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

I got this in my email this morning and I think it's good for a Monday Morning Laugh!

Dear Streaker...

2008-03-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

On behalf of Utah State University I wanted to personally thank you for taking the opportunity to streak across the Quad in nothing but a helmet on our biggest tour day of the year! I am sure that the 70 prospective students and parents loved the full frontal tour that they signed up for this morning! Way to show them that Aggie Pride!

Well...here I am!

2008-03-15T16:17:00.001-07:00

Alright, alright! After much persuasion I have finally decided it is time to start a BLOG. I guess people don't like it if I am contently reading up on their lives and they don't have a clue what I am doing with mine! I work as a recruiter for USU so I spend the majority of my time with eighteen year olds so as you can imagine I ALWAYS have something funny going on in my life. Plus as a 25 year old who is single in Utah I always have something to share.

Like at my grandma's funeral/viewing any older couple that came through my grandpa made sure to introduce me to any that had any grandson's close to my age (19-35 range). And at the funeral I found out that the RS President, Lilias, has a son my age. Oh what luck! So after the funeral my grandpa found it appropriate to drag me, and my tear stained face, over to their house to return the trifle dish. So at least I have meeting the in-laws out of the way. I thought I was off the hook until he came up for my little sister's wedding and my grandpa once again was back in the matchmaking scene. He was trying to set me up on a date with Stewart again so he called him from my cell phone and left a message and at the last minute he decided that was going invite himself along for the experience. I would say that's my ideal blind date. Me, Stewart and my grandpa. I never thought I would say this, but Stewart, THANK YOU for not calling back!

My hopes for the BLOG are as follows: Those who are single can relate to the funny happening of life, and those who have checked out of the single scene can reminisce about "The Good Old Days..." So, please come and check in often!